inspiration

The song "Just" by radiohead for some reason always manages to inspire me. i think that song touches a part of me that i haven't been able to fulfill. a part of me that i ignore. a part that would sadden me if i knew. but anyway it inspires me to write. i am so tired however, my eyelids are closing involuntarily, as if they were bobbing ducks. you know how in tv and comics psychologists like to use the "write a card but don't send it" therapy thing? well i think i'm going to try it.

dear m,

i am hopelessly in love with you. everytime i wake up i wish you were in my arms. everytime i go to sleep i pray for you to think of me. while i sleep i dream of you. i know i can't say i love you, but it sure feels like so. my heart lives jumping with the few memories i have of us. of those sweet stolen summer moments. under the shade of mango trees i told you many of the things i felt, but ultimately i could not muster the courage to tell you flat out that i have fallen for you. and i did. like a fool who falls because his boots are too big, or a fish that falls on a boat from a missed jump. i want you. i've known you for so long, and it always seem special with you and now that i feel this it (and i'm really going for all the cheese) seems like destiny. before i even fathomed the idea of us together i had dreams of you. of loving you. before i even imagined kissing you i wrote stories in which the most beautiful character had your name. i've been in love with you, now i realize, since the moment i first laid my hands on you and i had my first dance. i felt like a man for the first time. you felt like a woman for the first time. i'll never forget that. i'll also never forget our first kiss. it seems delusional but it was so earth-shattering that i doubt anyone ever can kiss me like that. our lips matched perfectly. your maner of kissing compliments mine beautifully. i feel we were made for each other. i am completely in love with you. but i can't let it be. i can't let you know. it just can't be. if only i...if only you...if only i could have had more time. i miss you now. your silly laughter, your devilish grins, your playful eyelashes, your exquisite hair...ugh, you really are incredible. but most of all i love your attitude about life. you treasure it like nobody i've met. you truly care about others in a sincere manner and not for self glory. i love how you can love so many things at the same time. well, my time has run out but even if this is futile i want you to know how i truly feel. i want you to know, and i wish that if you don't feel the same way to never see me again. however, if you do feel like i do about you i'm willing to fight seas and stars to have you be with me.