to be a rock and not to roll

unmoving. sigh. man, the world seems to be moving slowly in the direction i want. it seems that things that are moving and coming up are the ones i don't want. at the start of this semester i was very happy. i was taking my music classes and i felt like i had not felt in ages. then i had to work. i felt tired, but i still felt happy going to school. now i am need of a more strict job and i will have to stop taking some classes including song writing and jazz guitar. this has saddened me greatly. more than i expected. i gotta get my stuff together. i will defeat this. i will pay my bills and be a free man. i will enroll in college like a 17 year old and start from scratch. i need to do what i need to do. whether it is immature or not i must do it. i must strive for it. that's what makes me happy.

today i went to get some wide rice noodles. ooh how good they were. i went with a friend, of the female kind. towards the end of the dinner her pseudo-boyfriend calls and while talking with her implies that the fact that i've taken her to dinner means i want to fuck her. yea, those words and everything. even though she's been my friend way before she ever met him, and i never tried to "fuck" her he said that. and not only that, because the dinner was expensive and i was paying for it, then more his reason for it. like my friend is some kind of prostitute. but i've seen it on tv too. the "oh he paid for dinner and it wa expensive so the least i could do was give him a bj" thing. i don't like it. i think that teaches that women are for sale? or at least some derivative of that. i don't like it. it makes me then uncomfortable. i like having friends, i like inviting my friends to eat. if i invite then most likely i will intend to pay. if you invite me, i assume you have the intentions of paying. that's what i am accustomed to. so anyway....yea.
what else? hands are an important sex appeal for me. i think that is interesting.