stories to tell

fortune teller

2012-01-28T00:11:00.000-08:00

the curves of your lips
entice me beyond
what i, for my life,
can comprehend, and i miss
all those words, so found
with ease and smiles.

oh and how easy you smile
and my heart jumps and breaks
at your every move.
a greek goddess and i, beguiled,
love such beauty that strangely takes
my breath, my thoughts, my life.

a love impossible
a friendship distanced by
more than miles and words
but still i am susceptible
to that one touch that made me fly
and whisper your name in between dreams

dreams of your frame
of those curves of smooth
star stuff that glide through the air
and while i love all that's in your brain
this is my ever-present truth,
all i need is to see you smile.

innit hard to write?

2008-02-10T00:58:00.000-08:00

writing to me is a passive physical activity. my mind races too fast for my fingers to catch up and thus for me to write requires patience. sometimes that patience transforms into laziness and it is not good. then i write nothing at all. i may have an idea i am excited about, but because i am excited of it i then realize i will bore quickly of it or "lose" it while writing. this kinda worries me. i've thought about "recording myself telling the stories and then writing them but i think the same principle would apply. sigh. i've also thought about writing lyrics. silly lyrics at first i think. silly rhymes. children's books style. also, i've just turned on the tv and i'm seeing this "new" woman artist on vh1....what is it about women playing the piano that turn me on so much? i remember the only "bad" thoughts i ever had about a certain teacher back in my youthful days came only when she played the piano. is it the pretty hands thing? that they bow their heads and their hair hangs downs and looks pretty?is it that they usually close their eyes but peek every once in a while in coquetish way to look at the music? the name of the lady was sarah b. it wasn't half bad. the song was called "love song". of course. so anyway, writing. i need to write two full length sci fi or fantasy short stories this month. i want to try. i really want to try. my actual goal is to "sketch" at least 5 stories. it's hard. writing sci fi is tough because i can't wing it. it is a premeditated form of writing (due to the sci aspect of it). i have to plan the place. the workings of it, the politics, the culture, is it far of futuristic or 5 years ahead? can we go to space yet or not? is there a new way to travel? how does it change the life that we now have? why is it sci-fi? how do people interact? maybe we have eliminated all verbal communication? how about computers? will we even regard them as a foreign object? and then i have to take all these things and explain them fast, one because they cannot under any circumstance mask the story, and two because a short story is well...short. so yea peeps. anything you'd like to see in the future? i had planned to write tonight. but i went outside. i kinda did not want to, but i had said since last night that i would so...compromises compromises!
i think about stories. but all i get are cliches, or what i think are cliches. like the first trip to a asteroidal colony (the story i tried before), or a man who suddenly goes to the past (how he does it it unclear yet), a woman who is a sought after goddess with a penchant for thievery and sexing comedians, a dude that dies and goes to the after life and is forced to decide which "heaven" to attend, a person that after a séance gone wrong finds that everything that he wishes to happen happen but not exactly..actually what happens is the opposite of what he thinks, so he spends the whole time trying to keep all his thoughts, every single one, under control but of course fails miserably with funny/catastrophic consequences....and more of the same trite and retarded-you-watched-too-much-anime ideas. so....yea. let's hope i write a story tomorrow that has nothing to do at all with what i wrote above.

ursula

2008-01-05T21:31:00.000-08:00

[ok this didn't come out as i planned. at all. oh well. i gotta try some other time. i'm sleepy, burdened by some things and well i guess yesterday i would have written more. or better. i wonder what i should do with my life...not really, i know what i should do, i just need to come up with a better plan on achieving it. anyway tell me what you think, does it bore you right from the start? too clichéd? too many periods? bad punctuation? spelling? well spelling can only be typos because i'm a great speller but not so great typing. anyway, gimme feedback people]

after reading the final chapter of "the left hand of darkness" ursula turned off her ebook and threw it in the recyclables bin hoping that maybe the book would be sent to students in the colonies and thus travel with her on such a long voyage. it was her first time flying and being in such an open airfield had made her nervous, too nervous. she briskly walked over to the bar where an artificially smiling humanoid (besides, who could tell these days?) asked her if she wanted the 16 or 20 ounce glass.
-pardon me? i haven't ordered anything yet"
-ma'am, i am fitted with a i011 device, i can distinguish brain waves for most drinks, and yours is an iced tea, with a shot of vermouth"
-well no it's not. i want a....a...lemonade. and a beer. the beer in a can!
-as you wish
the robot (?) swiftly turned around and served drinks for other travelers, no one said a word, and 5 minutes later returned with a small glass filled with a green substance, a can of beer, and another glass of brownish liquid.
-the lemonade and beer. i have also brought the iced tead in case you change your mind.
ursula muttered a minute thanks and grabbed forcefully the iced tea.
the airfield was a small in comparison to the big ones in new york and paris but to ursula it seemed like it extended beyond anything she could see. there was small grass running all along the field except around the ship. sudden winds made it hard for extravagant ladies to keep their hats on and the heat from the sun bothered most men in suits. ursula felt wonderful after drinking 5 iced teas. the wind tickled her underarms, exposed from wearing a tank top, and the sun gently colored her skin. she had two hours until boarding time but felt like she could stay in the airfield forever. she moved away from the bar and looked up at the sky. not a cloud in sight. she lied down, like most of the other travelers, and simply tried to look up and dream about her new life. it was hard at first, she could not concentrate on anything in such a clean sky. her eyes wondered from the sun, to her hands, to the turbines floating like kites all along the perimeter of the airfield keeping clouds away. she looked until she finally caught a glimpse of the ship. it was just the tip. the round red tip. she laughed, thought of daniel and started to imagine her new life.

i want to know

2007-11-18T18:42:00.000-08:00

i dream of meeting people who will say what they want to say. i dream for a time where there are no unwanted consequences to words spoken. at least for words that are meant.

phone!

2007-11-12T20:40:00.000-08:00

i wish i could call her and say "hey, wanna have sex?"

list time

2007-11-10T00:11:00.000-08:00

i am sleepy. but i want to write something, even if it is lame. so the other day a lady said i was a passionate person. i didn't think much of it, but lately i've been thinking "dude, you fall in love with every woman you meet! if that's not passionate i don't know what is"

so with that in mind i've decided to make a list of all the women i've been in love with:
-the girl that used to beat me up. those golden curls were to die for...or at least bleed.
-the perfect girl. the ideal one. the one i compare all others to. the one i will never find or get because everytime i meet someone like her i freeze and become a bumbling idiot.
-the roleplaying girl. the one that taught me to kiss under stairs benath buildings
-the older girl. the one who one day killed me out of embarrassment because i laughed so hard at a joke snot came out of my nose.
-the pretty one. the one i simply admired for her perfect composure. my lady d.
-the wild one. the slutty one. the one that flirted with my....heart. she had that smile, that devilish smile.
-the fun girl. that girl that you don't realize you're in love with her until it hits you like a ton of bricks. the girl that plays with you. that jokes with you. that girl.
-the serious girl. the one i thought would be cool to hang out with. the one that believes that grown ups are meant to be "frowny" all the time. the one who thinks she thinks.
-the cool one. that girl with those eyes that kill with love, that flirt with heaven and hell, that can make me do anything she wants by simple suggesting it. the girl that i've loved forever. my princess.
-the unkown. that girl whose image i have. yes, she too lives in my heart.
-the known. that girl who seems perfect. the girl that i would give anything to know more of. the girl that's far away..but not too far.

and there you have it. my list of the women that i've fallen in love with. i tell you, if any of this girls were to ever ask me out, i'd go out with them in an instant. no question about it. and now i must sleep.

to be a rock and not to roll

2007-11-06T22:14:00.000-08:00

unmoving. sigh. man, the world seems to be moving slowly in the direction i want. it seems that things that are moving and coming up are the ones i don't want. at the start of this semester i was very happy. i was taking my music classes and i felt like i had not felt in ages. then i had to work. i felt tired, but i still felt happy going to school. now i am need of a more strict job and i will have to stop taking some classes including song writing and jazz guitar. this has saddened me greatly. more than i expected. i gotta get my stuff together. i will defeat this. i will pay my bills and be a free man. i will enroll in college like a 17 year old and start from scratch. i need to do what i need to do. whether it is immature or not i must do it. i must strive for it. that's what makes me happy.

today i went to get some wide rice noodles. ooh how good they were. i went with a friend, of the female kind. towards the end of the dinner her pseudo-boyfriend calls and while talking with her implies that the fact that i've taken her to dinner means i want to fuck her. yea, those words and everything. even though she's been my friend way before she ever met him, and i never tried to "fuck" her he said that. and not only that, because the dinner was expensive and i was paying for it, then more his reason for it. like my friend is some kind of prostitute. but i've seen it on tv too. the "oh he paid for dinner and it wa expensive so the least i could do was give him a bj" thing. i don't like it. i think that teaches that women are for sale? or at least some derivative of that. i don't like it. it makes me then uncomfortable. i like having friends, i like inviting my friends to eat. if i invite then most likely i will intend to pay. if you invite me, i assume you have the intentions of paying. that's what i am accustomed to. so anyway....yea.
what else? hands are an important sex appeal for me. i think that is interesting.

do you believe in magic?

2007-11-06T01:14:00.000-08:00

lately i've had to talk a lot about love and relationships and what they mean and how they affect and effect us. well a broken hearted friend asked me today "do you think there can be REAL love? love that truly lasts between two people?" and i thought about it (my usual 2-second thought) and i answered like a 2 year old "of course!" then he asked me "oh yea? well do you know of anyone whose love has lasted for so long? a love that truly traveled the many roads of life?" (obviously he didn't say those exact words, i'm paraphrasing here) and i couldn't truly tell him of such example. and yet i believe. is naive to think that such mutual "attachment" is possible? is love just an "attachment"?
like the title of my post, i believe in magic. i believe in princesses and beauty beyond beauty. i believe in the fairy stories i tell my brothers and sisters, the ones i told my ex, and the ones i was told when i was a kid. i love to live dreaming of tales and adventures everywhere i go. i love making driving a game, i love waiting in line a challenge to come up with the strangest conversation, i love laughing about cheap jokes. i think it could be hard to find someone with whom i'd be as comfortable as i've been in the past but when i do i'll truly love that person. i will not hold back. i apparently did not learn from my past mistakes, hehe.
anyway...do you believe in magic? or do you think i am foolish?

inspiration

2007-11-02T22:32:00.000-07:00

The song "Just" by radiohead for some reason always manages to inspire me. i think that song touches a part of me that i haven't been able to fulfill. a part of me that i ignore. a part that would sadden me if i knew. but anyway it inspires me to write. i am so tired however, my eyelids are closing involuntarily, as if they were bobbing ducks. you know how in tv and comics psychologists like to use the "write a card but don't send it" therapy thing? well i think i'm going to try it.

dear m,

i am hopelessly in love with you. everytime i wake up i wish you were in my arms. everytime i go to sleep i pray for you to think of me. while i sleep i dream of you. i know i can't say i love you, but it sure feels like so. my heart lives jumping with the few memories i have of us. of those sweet stolen summer moments. under the shade of mango trees i told you many of the things i felt, but ultimately i could not muster the courage to tell you flat out that i have fallen for you. and i did. like a fool who falls because his boots are too big, or a fish that falls on a boat from a missed jump. i want you. i've known you for so long, and it always seem special with you and now that i feel this it (and i'm really going for all the cheese) seems like destiny. before i even fathomed the idea of us together i had dreams of you. of loving you. before i even imagined kissing you i wrote stories in which the most beautiful character had your name. i've been in love with you, now i realize, since the moment i first laid my hands on you and i had my first dance. i felt like a man for the first time. you felt like a woman for the first time. i'll never forget that. i'll also never forget our first kiss. it seems delusional but it was so earth-shattering that i doubt anyone ever can kiss me like that. our lips matched perfectly. your maner of kissing compliments mine beautifully. i feel we were made for each other. i am completely in love with you. but i can't let it be. i can't let you know. it just can't be. if only i...if only you...if only i could have had more time. i miss you now. your silly laughter, your devilish grins, your playful eyelashes, your exquisite hair...ugh, you really are incredible. but most of all i love your attitude about life. you treasure it like nobody i've met. you truly care about others in a sincere manner and not for self glory. i love how you can love so many things at the same time. well, my time has run out but even if this is futile i want you to know how i truly feel. i want you to know, and i wish that if you don't feel the same way to never see me again. however, if you do feel like i do about you i'm willing to fight seas and stars to have you be with me.

of falling in love and out of it

2007-10-30T20:44:00.000-07:00

i'm beginning to accept what i thought should be unacceptable: that i am in love. or rather i have an infatuation. it should be unacceptable for three reasons. it is logistically impossible (distance), i do not really know if the feeling is the same from the other person, and our families our rather see us pull a romeo and juliet before letting us be together. and what's worse, i feel like i really am in love. if it were possible i would fight for her, strive for her, make her see my love. but i can't. and yet it is good. it is good to feel in love. you dream. you imagine things. you play. you get excited. and yet it's bad in my case because i can't do anything about it. bah.
falling out of love. i don't know, i'm having a little problem with my ex. she feels so much angst and she puts so much emotions into her quasi-relationships that it seems as if they are so much more important than anything else that ever happened to her. so i wonder, were my 4 years so easily forgotten? sheesh you know, you'd think they wouldn't right? why was i so easily cast aside? was i a bad boyfriend? i don't understand. was i so insignificant? was there no passion at all? i mean, i thought there was. a lot of it. maybe i am mistaken. i don't know. but it does irk me a bit when she gripes about all those boys that have merely touched upon her and i lie inexistent in her life. crazy bro. i mean, i've fallen in love with others but i still remember her and keep alive. maybe i'm just a hopeless loser. or not.

ugh

2007-10-24T21:53:00.000-07:00

haven't posted here in a very long time. is that even a proper sentence? huh. oh well. in accordance with this blog, let's continue with the whine and dine. so i'm love with her. and i can't admit it. i can't tell her. we agreed we couldn't anymore. and it's the right thing to do. but my heart just aches for her. i miss her laughter, her smiles, her smirks, her jokes, her uppity attitutde, her squinty eyes, her incredibly kissable lips. but it cannot grow into anything. we both know that. and it hurts me. when i talk to her i wish i could scream "i want to be with you!" but instead i talk about current events and silly topics that make her laugh. ugh. i know i've asked this before, but anyone out there that is just a normal person? it's difficult, i know, to be normal and read blogs but still. i think i'm normal....
i wish it were easier to meet persons. to walk up to people and ask, wht do you like to do? want to hang out? without looking like a freak or a pervert or worse. oh well, i guess rant is over. i must sleep.

anyone reads this?

2007-03-25T21:44:00.000-07:00

i doubt it. so it'll be good. i will whine here, hehe. what can i whine about? not much really except lack of the good stuff otherwise known as girl companionship. crazy huh? they say you don't know what you have until you lose it, but by the looks of it i guess it's the same. i made sense for us to have ended, but still there were those weekends or those breaks where we saw each other and it was cool. there also the phone calls. it was...good. i guess i didn't know how much loneliness i had until i lost it..or...backwards. i've lived inside my head all my life and i like it that way and i would like to find a girl who is kinda like me. who instead of talking, thinks. is that so hard to find? most people i meet are talkers. ugh. but then again i guess people who keep to themselves, the ones i would like to meet, are the ones i will not meet. that is life i suppose. i mean, what girl likes jazz+big band music+rock+soul+some old school+fun music+classical+bands like the "seatbelts"+anime+reading good books+making fun of bad art+other good stuff that you can extrapolate from the previous statements? i know of one girl but alas like all awesome things, she is unavailable if you know what i mean. and if she were not, would it be worth messing a good friendmaking for smth fickle? i don't think so.
oh no, actually i know another girl. but she is in another country AND plays for the other team...if you know what i mean again.
so you might say, "what a whiner!" but hey, if you read this then you probably have it all good and look at things from the 30degree rotation of the "happiness" kaleidoscope. (which reminds me, i gotta make one for my little bro). i'd like to write more but i think i have need of sleep.

comic!!

2006-10-18T22:19:00.000-07:00

from qwantz.com. i changed it offcourse.

been a while

2006-08-08T21:55:00.000-07:00

i guess no one reads this anymore, so might as well start writing again. what do i have to write tonight? what can i tell myself? why do i need to write this here so anyone can see instead of writing it in a small notebook? i dont know. i'm a whiner that's what i do. if anyone can be called emo-boy, it's i. so what's so emo about me? i feel sad. sad because i don't know what i am going to do with my life. sad because i feel i'm slipping and i can't stop it. sad because i feel that any moment now things will come crashing and my family will think i'm a weakling. i hate that my family "feels" that only the strong are worthwhile. i hear it all the time from my dad and mom, how being strong against all pains and suffering is someone that's good. what's wrong with them? how can my brother do it? i look up to him a lot for this reason. it seems that no matter what, my brother will face anything with a most non-chalant attitude. it's as if he cares for nothing. it's that true? he seems like a robot. i wish i were like him. i wish i could at least hide all my feelings like him. i'm so weak and no matter how i try to hide it my mom and dad know it and they look down on me for it. i don't like it. i need to change. i need to change my life. i need to destroy it to the point where all becomes numb. i hate love. it makes me smile and puts a fire in me that makes me vulnerable. i wish i were free from it. but i'm not, so i'm sad. and i'm weak. i need to get away from everything. i wish i could go and forget my family and friends, but could i do that? i really love my familiy and my friends...
oh well. that's all for now. aren't i whiny? i remember my music teacher once asking me if i wanted some cheese to go with my "wine". Well yes, i want some cheese because all these serious stuff seriously needs something cheesy to lighten it up.
ja.

work

2006-04-04T06:09:00.000-07:00

oh man i am sooooooooo freaking bored!!! i had to come tp work today at 7am and to do what? nothing!! it's 9 now (my regular time to come in) and nothing happened before, so i woke up for nothing. now i'm super sleepy and tired and not writing my recommendation letter! i need to write it now! i need to write it fast and well. i don't nkow what the hell to say, i mean "he is a good student, he's attentive in class, he likes to learn", what else can i fucking say? i hate this crap of "sell yourself", just pick at random and don't make mewrite crappy ass essays or letters or nothing! but anyway..i really should get to doing that or it will not get finished on time. um....what else? nothing i guess.

mh....(haven't i started many posts with this title?

2006-02-25T00:24:00.000-08:00

well i haven't written in a while and it's because all has been well, nothing exciting, nothing unique, no emotional turmoils. nothing. so why am i writing now? because i found this comic thingie and well it's not the content at all that impresses me, but rather the art. or more so the style of art. for some strange reason when i see it my eyebrows frown and my lips tighten and inside of me my heart seems to be tied by an ever-pulling string. in other words it saddens me. that art somehow brings feelings of melancholy, of a lost life, of loneliness. and then as i read more and more of this comic i start to realize that maybe things are not so "ok". i am lonely. i feel that i have no one to talk to. again. i have no one to show my love to. again. i lead a pathetic life. sometimes i wish i would end, so that i could rest; but i guess that would be the easy way and i can never seem to take it. that art reminds me of lazy afternoons in cali where i would take old dusty books from an old chest in my great grandma's house and sit on those cool stone steps to read strange russian stories. i miss those days. those days were filled with fantasy, everything was new, i felt magical, i was so innocent! and now i'm so sad. i had a million friends then, whenever i felt i wanted company all i had to do was go out. now, if i need a friend i just wait until i have to go to sleep and then imagine what it would be like if i actually had one until i fall asleep. i feel like crying now.
i'm so sad because i don't think i CAN have any friends anymore. i guess i'm too picky? i just want someone with whom i can talk to and go see some movies and play video games and laugh about crap with, you know? but nowadays i think finding people who are open to other people is hard. everyone seems to have their own clique and seem reluctant to let people in, or at least that is how i percieve it. this sadness makes me want to forget about it all and just separate myself from everyone. that way i won't feel like i'm looking for anything or anybody, i just...exist for myself and that is it. a hermit amidst people. sometimes i feel that living in such a manner would be the most comfortable way for me to be. i would never bother anyone and no one would bother me. wouldn't that be nice?

boo!

2006-01-17T16:55:00.000-08:00

i don't know man. here i am waiting for my next class, it's a lab class and i'm not really looking forward to it. i mean, i'm tired, i'm sleepy, i'm hungry and most of all mentally......see, i can't even finish a sentence. well today was the last day to add or drop a class and so as is my nature i have added a class which might or might not turn out to be a good thing. i have added a capoeira class. yep, the class is at 3pm. that sounds all cool and stuff but the problem is that on the very days that i have capoeira class, i also have aikido class.....and it's at 8 in the morning! so with that said, it means that i have to wake up at like 7 am, go to aikido class, come back home, take a shower, relax (at which point will be the hardest part of the day because i'll probably fall asleep making me completely useless for the next part of the day), and then get ready for capoeira, go to capoeira, come back home, take a quick shower, and go to engineering class...uff, it's going to be a long ass day. and now, you may ask, "why did you add capoeira if had already dropped it?" well the reason is because a friend convinced me to. and yes it was a girl. and yes she is brazillian. but i didn't do it because of the obvious reasons, i did it because i've always sort of liked capoeira but i was a bit intimidated by the rigors of the sport but seeing that she will be in class it gave me the courage to be in it. although now i'm afraid i'll be like a fool and she'll laugh at me..but whatever. so yeah....i'm taking capoeira. i hope it's cool. i hope i do a lot of exercise which i so desperately need.
a thing that's bothering me now is money. i need a lot of money. right now i'm pretty much in a lot of debt and i need to pay for a lot of things. where is the money going to come from? i don't know because my school schedule has left me basically without time for work and so...i don't know, i'm going to look around and see what i can sell on ebay, although i really hate departing with my stuff. but anyway i'm just ranting like at 13 year old girl but who cares, nobody reads this webpage anymore which pretty good. (although if you do read this, please oh please leave a comment). i gotta go now, but i'll hope to write again one of these days..ja.

blurruby!

2005-11-16T05:36:00.000-08:00

i'm mentally and physically exhausted! i've been awake for over 24 hours again and once again it's for a retarded test. i hope it all goes well. i was listening to a song and pluff! i fell asleep. i wonder if i'll make it well for the test, and then i wonder if i'll hold up until my last class that ends at 10:30. also, i have to work tomorrow, at 8:00 am. i'm going go up in smoke man. i need to meditate more, i read that meditation increases some brain stuff. ok i'm a going to go and lay in a nasty couch that's nearby, i'm so tired i don't give a damn.

2005-10-10T20:53:00.000-07:00

chinatown place
i want cookies!!!!! (imagine that in chinese?)
more buildings!
me...raiden! (from mortal kombat, remember?)

so we rolled more

2005-10-10T20:43:00.000-07:00

the center cool man
chinatown!
oh wait, here's cookie at the center too

so after the center we went to chinatown! oh yeah...but these ppl just came for a second to see it but didn't want to get down to buy anything...

2005-10-10T20:35:00.000-07:00

beingwith the majic j..the man!
me at the staples

so yeah....we rolled on to the stadium...we took some pics. ..

2005-10-10T20:27:00.000-07:00

so this is the road to l.a.
this is the thing in front of the bank of america downtown
the city
so yeah man. the trip continued on and andres really wanted to see the stadium stuff.

read below

2005-10-10T20:17:00.000-07:00

so this guy is andres, he's the other guy who joined us at the afternoon adventure. he's obsessed with planes and stuff and tried really hard to get a job with boeing, but alas, citizenship is a factor that he's lacking stuff..dang! but oh well i think he still got an interview with them..coolness!! and so we headed out.

hey hey hey

2005-10-10T20:10:00.000-07:00

man! so i went to l.a this weekend to the henaac conference and i had one day (nay, afternoon) free and so a friend that call cookie because he looks like the cookie monster rented a car and we went for a ride so that's him up there posing in front of the car (not the rented car, but a sea world whale car). so that's how my only free time in california started.

quien sabe?

2005-09-15T02:24:00.000-07:00

no se que decir. las palabras se me han desaparecido de mi ser y mi alma parece en pena. no puedo dormir, cada vez que me acuesto tengo estos pensamientos inquietos y empezo a respirar muy profundamente y por aquello no puedo respirar bien. siento que muero poco a poco. la tristeza de ser quen soy me ha dejado a la plegaria de mi enfermedad y solo espero el dia que viene. ahora alcanzo a ver el alba que me saluda con lagrimas y melancolia, con recuerdos ya tristes y con un sabor agrio que no me lo aguanto mas. quiero irme de este lugar y perderme en la nada, quiero vivir egoistamente y nunce pensar en nadie mas. estoy cansado. mi cuerpo no respira mas y estoy muy cansado. pero no puedo dormir. que sera de mi? no quiero ni pensarlo. al diablo con todo, yo soy quien soy y nadie me lo puede quitar! yo no lo se todo, y me duele admitirlo, y lloro en el alma pero que hago? hay tanta injusticia en el mundo y que puedo hacer yo? tratar de ayudar persona por persona? dominar el mundo? que?! no se. yo se quien soy, pero no se lo que sere. quiero salvar al mundo! pero un amigo una vez me dijo "no se puede, no intentes salvar al mundo" pero yo sin embargo todavia quiero hacerlo! sera tan imposible? sera que la humanidad puede ser tan fria y malvada para seguir asi? no puede ser. yo pienso asi, y no soy el unico. lloro por mi y por todos, quisiera sufrir por ti tierra! pero no puedo, asi que quiero escaparme? no soy cobarde. que puedo hacer entonces? todavia no lo se, y me duele no saberlo.

it's early

2005-09-07T06:51:00.000-07:00

so i slept with ani last night. it was nice until the morning when i was woken by every little thing and then my allergies really caught up to me and i was basically coughing up nonstop. initially i was planning to wake around 9:30 but i was fully awake and in agony by 7:30. i waited to see if the coughing would pass but it was in vain for it only worsened. i woke ani up and i told her that i needed to go to write my paper, but in reality all i needed was to get the hell out of that "bullet in my head". so i came to the u. nevertheless to try to write my paper, but what happened? i continued coughing too much and by then a growing headache had me worried and so i couldn't take it anymore, i felt i was dying, and so i left for my house. i took a shower immediately and i started to feel better, my headache subsided a bit and now i'm back in the u. trying to write my stupid paper for real this time. oh well hopefully i'll finish fast so i'll be able to sleep a bit before class. i guess that's it. ja.

fuck all!

2005-08-23T16:32:00.000-07:00

man i don't know wht her problem is. we haven't been able to be together for some days now and when i finally see she has this face on her "i don't want to be here so fuck off". and i'm like "ok whatever..." an try to play along be nice, wego to eat with her bro and then we get to her house allis getting better,her brother leaves and what does she want to do? sleep. fucking sleep. that's all we did in chicago!! i'm tired of sleeping! if she doesn't want to be with me anymore she should fucking tell me right? damnman....ah, i'm just...frustrated! fuck all!

epiphany?

2005-08-22T00:33:00.000-07:00

as i was driving in the early hours of the morn (night?) my head started drifting off as i was singing and suddenly all i could think about was about how lonely i feel. i told myself about my friend and my girlfriend but at that moment i felt more away from ani than i've ever felt. my friend: she's my friend but she's very elusive (?) i can't really....i don't know, it's not "regular". i guess i want someone i can hang out with on lazy afternoons and watch boring tv with and complain how boring tv is and yet continue watching.i thought about my friend, but he's far away. then i thougt and realized that i feel just like i felt before i met him. lonely. lonely and sad. i just watched the world pass by me just like i was singing like a machine and driving and watching the streets move. i feel sad because....am i really lonely? i have no one to share my interests with music like i do. at least not in the crazy way that we used to. i miss my friend, he was nice. now i feel like no one is nice anymore, and me myself am becoming not-nice. i don't like being not nice, but sometimes i feel that i need to so as to not get hurt. i used to be nice and i enjoyed it, now i'm nice and it's a burden. i feel that i have to act to be nice, and as soon as i turn my back i resent it. i want to be innocent again, i feel that i am not anymore, i want to be good, i don't think that i am anymore, i want smile without being forced to, but i doubt that i can anymore. i'm alone. and so i drove in my car, thinking if i had an epiphany or not but then at the end i decided that i did have one but i was too stupid to remember what it was, and so i felt.....lost.

2005-06-28T23:07:00.001-07:00

my cousin wishing he owned the car behind.

2005-06-28T23:07:00.000-07:00

right before the lady kick us out for taking pcs...apparently you can't take pics in trendy clothes

2005-06-28T23:06:00.000-07:00

my cousin who dragged me to that place..ahh, so that's why i was there in all the trendy clothes place

2005-06-28T23:05:00.000-07:00

here i am playing around clothing stores...crazy huh? me? in there? why?

not much

2005-06-24T01:31:00.000-07:00

so yeah ppl, not much happening in my life except for i wrote a new entry on my work in progress HERE AT WORK and so it's been a pleasure to continue writing although i just realized that it's 4:30 in the morning and i'm very tired so mudt of my writing must be very tiring so only read if you plan to sleep, hehe. nah, but i am hoping that at least it will mae sense when someone reads it. ja na. oh btw i'm also in love with someone far away that refuses to be by my side.

um...new fiction

2005-05-24T12:31:00.000-07:00

so yeah ppl i'm now writing a new fiction piece. for those in taste for something wrong you can click at the end of this post. now a little description: the thing is a journal, a diary of a man who has nothing to do at work but write on his journal. the guy is um...interesting. he has his things but doesn't everybody? the writing is a bit off-beat and can shock some people, it involves what some may call sick and perverted humor but it's what came out of my imagination and i don't censor. so beware, you may not like it but it IS fiction. so warning in hand head on over to here at work

cool sites!!!

2005-05-23T20:39:00.000-07:00

darthside.blogspot.com for those sw freaks
and http://fourninjafoodgroups.blogspot.com/ for thoze ninja lovers. (i din;t feel like linking or fixing my one finger typing typos)

new stuff to talk about

2005-05-23T07:44:00.000-07:00

so..yeah, just in case you guys didn't know, i'm a ninja advocate. and yes that means i'm a pirate nay-sayer. it isn't my fault though, i mean isn't it obvious the kicking-ass superiority of the ninjas over the pirates? am i crazy? i don't think so!
so in lieu of this article i decided to say that pirates can "argh!!" as i slash my ultimate sword attack. so yeah. oh also, i found this blog which hilarious and contains some good ninja advice for those who unkowningly might upset on of us and we have to retaliate ninja style. i mean if you step on me i might cut off your ears and i'm a "nice" ninja, although that doesn't really exists so i'll also kick your ass and then i'll ROCK! oh by the way, in that blog something made me completely crack up in a totally wrong way, make sure you scroll down and check out the star wars and pope thing..scary. ok i guess that's all for now, keep on laughing ppl.

nothing again

2005-05-19T13:04:00.000-07:00

here wasting time right before class. i came from work, had about two hours of leisure before i had to go to class. what happened? my freaking house was locked and i like a dumbass don't have a freaking key. so i just came to the u and i've been trying to program in assembler but that bullshit compiler sucks all the assholes in the world. (elephan asshole included)
so i'm pissed off, ppl are talking about the star wars movie, go to hell, i don't care if this sentence made any sense. i'm tired and i want to go home, but i have class and then i REALLY have to get started on that goodness gracious assembler program. to hell with assembler!!!
so yeah, i mean i can freaking program the stupid intel processor, i don't need to write it on paper too do i? stupid losers who want freaking reports!! reports are for those too stupid to see something's working. i don't like stupid ppl who pretend to be smart, specially when they are your boss. so the boss now has me going to check on the stupid light posts to see if the ones i've marked have been fixed. (yeah, i'm going to do that as soon as i finish marking them you overworking piece of lusterless shoe!)
ah..whatever i just want to go to sleep.

so freaking funny!!

2005-05-18T22:31:00.000-07:00

ok i found this online here's the link; THIS IS SO FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!11click onthe darthvader!

just here..

2005-05-12T17:15:00.000-07:00

well...here i'm trying to go back to my daily ranting. um..today i went say goodbye to my grandma who was visiting from *far away land* but unfortunately had to leave due to *unwanted* circumstances. so i visited, got some nice grandma breakfast and then left for work to collect. the boss wasn't there so i was told to wait and after a long wait the secretary got tired of looking at my face and called again. "speaker phone conference" i'm thinking "great! what does he want me to do now, BOW to him?" so as soon as he gave the location to my paycheck i yelled "sorry, but i really must get going!" and darted out of the office like vodoo man being followed by the cthulhu monster. as i was leaving i saw my coworker coming to get his money., poor guy, the secretary told him he's going to have to wait for the boss. once again, poor guy. so i leave, come home and have only about 30 mins until class. come back from class, tired. eat. now i have class again, but at least it's a good class: microcomputers. micro is cool i can't wait to go to it and learn more stuff i'll probably never use in real life (oh man, i hope i do use it in a super cool job some day). soooo..yeah. i gotta go to class now, see ya laters.

new chapter to long ago story

2005-05-09T22:09:00.000-07:00

ok i don't know if you remember the story, but what you need to know is this: this guy, divad, is in love with a girl, ina, but he left her because he felt that she was too pretty and too young for him. then we learned that in his youth divad had another fit and decided to never be a writer because he thought he sucked and threw his green journal into the woods. like a week later a little girl brought the book back to him. so..yeah..the guy's a wuss ( crybaby sentimentalist writer) and ina is a tough girl (veryh sure of herself...although not so much when it comes to her feeling about divad...or not?)

so..yeah..if you don't remember tough, if you do good for you, and if you can't read spanish then i'll try to write a translation sometime. ja.

(also let me apologize for not being able to put the accents...i'm too lazy right now. but just so you know, it's in the past tense)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tres meses pasaron y Divad todavia hediaba de ese olor. Era apestoso y le podria su alma. En ese tiempo Divad no podia comprender su vida ni que hacer con ella y asi como nada se tiro a los vientos. Vivia de la calle comia basura y dormia en periodicos. En las mañanas esperaba el trafico para pedir limosnas y en la noche las regalaba a los gamines con la promesa de que no usarian el dinero para comprar pegante boxer. Divad queria morir. Largarse de este mundo infernal y asi por fin quitarse esa peste de encima. "!Larguese de aqui pestilencia humana, descarga vaginal, chupa clavos!" le gritaba el portero de la universidad una noche en la que el fue despues de haber leido unos avisos sobre una lectura de poesia.
Semanal de Poesia Universal
Jueves Marmol, Villarreal
Viernes Cabral, Jose
SAbado Becquer, Gus
Domingo San Dominique
Lunes Zerimar, Divad

Esa era una fria noche de lunes. Y menos mal que lo hecharon tambien por que quien sabe que escandalo hubiera hecho si se hubiera dado cuenta que la person leyendo su poesia era nada mas ni nada menos que su mujer Sophia Benz de Zerimar. En su salida de la universidad divad diviso a un par de personas que parecian estar peleando en el el parqueo, un hombre y una mujer. Divad se acerco (que curiosidad no? uno siempre quiere ver lo que nunca quiere que le pase a uno) hasta que se dio cuenta que aquel hombre era uno de sus compañeros de cuarto. "! que le pasa! Sueltela YA!" Divad grito mientras lo jalaba de encima de ella. Al hacerlo ella se solto de su atacante saco un ladrillo de su cartera y lo tiro con su mayor fuerza posible. Como era de esperarse le dio a Divad en la cabeza y este cayo de inmediato al suelo, aparentemente inconciente y sangrando mucho. El atacante aprovecho el momento para saltar encima de la joven y seguir con sus mañas. Ella ya sin fuerzas estaba a punto de rendirse, de aceptar su fin, y cuando su atacante le quito (o mas bien, le rompio) su ultima barrera la cara se le puso roja y el le miraba los ojos. El maldito la miraba y paro. La miraba y miraba y sus ojos se agrandaban. La miraba, inmovil. Ella entonces miro por un lado y se dio cuenta por que el maldito paro. El hombre ensangrentado estaba ahi, parado detras del maldito con la punta de su dedo gordo bien enterrado entre las guevas cobardes del atacante. "Cuando la ataque, esto es lo primero que se debe hacer niña". Dijo el pobre hombre salvador antes de que se desmayara por falta de sangre.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

2005-04-28T13:16:00.000-07:00

funny...not true offcourse...

2005-04-27T13:28:00.000-07:00

i'm here wasting time that i should be using to be studying. so yeah. (i say that a lot don't i? whatever) last night i thought of a new story to write. but throughout today i've "Examined" the premise of the story and what it involved and i decided that it's not as good a story as i originally thought. and even if it could be a good story i decided i'm not good a writer to write it anyway, so i basically gave up. i just finished my work and have my final final tomorrow and i gotta study but since it's open book my teacher practically told my laziness to overpower what little study power i had in my body..so yeah. (again i said it).
so.... yeah (and again). i better go and study i guess. i'm thinking of what more crap can i write in here to delay my studies. i haven't practiced guitar in about (or aboot) two weeks now....it's making feel sad but whenever i have a little time to practice and i go to get the guitar for serious practice i just start playing and making songs and stuff instead of challenging stuff. i suck man.
ok then i guess i've ran out of things to say. so...ja.

2005-04-26T19:29:00.000-07:00

i haven't written about my life in a long time. and this is a web log isn't? wasn't i logging my daily life? well i guess i'll catch up since who knows when. well school is ending, i think i passed all my classes (one good, one bad, one so so, i'm a well balanced man). i have my last final exam on thursday at nine PM...nine! can you believe that? nine! isn't that too early? oh man it is too early, at least for me. so anways. what have i done lately? not much, i'm working. i've started to work for govnm't and it sucks. the job itself doesn't suck, it's dealing with the many bureaucrazies (i know i mispelled it..crazy..get it?) that sucks like a tornado on hillbilly ass. so yeah. my job involves me walking around the city for 9 hours straight. yep, well at least they're paying me to do much needed exercise. so...whatever. so the job's going good (i still haven't been paid yet) but i'm getting one of those weird tans where i take off my shirt and i still look like i'm wearing a wife beater..funny..me, with a farmer's tan. so...yeah. well that's my life i guess, at least until now. school, work, and miss my love like crazy. but i think i'll see her soon. and once my job is over (oh yeah, my job is a temporary job, two months max) i'll use my money to go see her all the freaking time and have tons of fun and funky fun, and sexy fun, and bouncy fun, and sleepy fun, and lovey fun and many more funs that would make this list too long to even fin in the blog-o-sphere. so yeah. life is crazy i guess and as of this moment mosquitoes are eating me whole!!! this is crazy! i can't take it anymore! they are driving me nuts! so...oh that's right i wanted to show you guys something!
one of my favorite manga is going to hollywood!!!

wow...crazy

2005-04-25T20:55:00.000-07:00

YOU MUST DEFINETELY CHECK THIS OUT (don't ask me anything about it though, i'm as stunned as you'll probably be)

the examined life is not worth living either...

2005-04-18T20:26:00.000-07:00

one should learn to balance life shouldn't one. i've tried to analyze everything detail of my life as if i were an espectator so that i would be able to make the best deicisions for my well being. i've always stuck to that old adage "the unexamined life is not worth living". but after so many years of watching and "understanding" my life, i've turned into an overanalytical, sometimes over presumptious, kind of guy. i'm used to thinking about 3 or 4 future outcomes of any given situation and most with negative results. i live imagining the future based on past events and hope that life will turn out how i mostly expect it and give me the worst end of the deal. but i'm tired of that. i want to stop examining my life and just let it run for a while. but all in moderation right? there are things that i simply have no idea of the outcome and instead of imagining it, i must embrace it when i comes. i must not live with the spotlight, but imust life side by side with it.i need to the light but also the shadows that might give me a bit of smiles.

(oh olso ai rout anozer chapter of ze estori of ina an divad. ai houp zat i will bi eibol to rait it sun.)
ja.

just becauseof my cartoon one

2005-04-12T21:22:00.000-07:00

What Icons are for you? by ladyallie
Username
Favourite Colour
Sex
Your Love icon is...
Your Sad Icon is...
Your Happy Icon is...
Your Angry Icon is...
Your Food Icon is...
Your Animal Icon is...
Your Random Icon is...
Your Cartoon Icon is...
Your Sexy Icon is...

Quiz created with MemeGen!

hello goodbye

2005-04-07T10:57:00.000-07:00

so i'm gonna travel this weekend. yeah, going to visit the lady. i'm really excited hopefully al goes well and we have a great time. i think the plans so far are: friday, one of her friend's party (dinner and dancing...oh oh dancing, i'll try but i'm not making any promises that i won't look like a fool). saturday, she has rehearsal for one of her plays and i think there's something else. sunday, i think she has rehearsal again and probably something else (like hmk perhaps? papers to write? books to read?). monday, she has school and i'm leaving so there. in the times in between we'll be having fun i guess. bad thing: we're both broke so hopefully we'll find a way to have fun w/o wasting any money. today i had a test and so far i think it all went well. but i'm a little pissed because most of the questions were directly from the book and since it wasn't the proffesor giving the test, te guy allowed open books and open notes. so you know what that meant? open solutions manual for those who have it fotocopied it. (i know it's photocopy but i don't give a dman and writing one letter instead of two is efficient typing...so there (tongue out).) so i, like any totally stupid kid believe that solution manuals are for cheaters and so i don't use goodness gracious solution manuals. so i don't have a copy of it, so there. so most ppl in the test basically just did the analog version of copy/paste from the book. while i? what did i do? i worked every problem with the analog version of super mastery. just kidding. but still i think i did them all allrgiht so hopefully i'll get an a which i really need it badly. so there, that's been my day, later on today i have another class and i'll go to that and skip the next one. after that i'll go home pack, do a couple of errands i gotta do before i leave, wait for my bro to get home from work and then go to the airport. get on a plane, go to atl airport, get down, get up in another plane, go to midway airport in chicago get down, get up on a taxi, get to my girlfriends place and then REALLY get down if you know what i mean. i can't wait and the day seems to be going really slowly. lately life's been really hectic with tests and whatnots and so i feel very highstrung and stressed so hopefully this weekend will help me unwind a bit. um...what else? nothing much, i'm sorry ppl but i haven't found anything worth to note at the moment. sex stuff? mh....pussy is the most delicous thing in the planet. not good? too bad i don't have anything else to say at the moment. sorry.

2005-04-05T07:51:00.000-07:00

i don't know..i feel like censoring myself right now. i want to say things is wish most of you wouldn't read but i'm going to try to say "fuck it" and get on with it. i guess i don't really have much to say. i talked to ani today. if everything goes as she's planned it she'll spend 10 weeks of summer in chicago doing research and crap, and then she'll be flying to italy for her autumn quarter. so where does that lead us? to the conversation if our relationship is worth the time and distance. so we agreed that yes it is. next point. she's had some doubts about the effort and about how hard it is to be apart for so long. sorry, not doubts concerns. worked through it. next point. during the conversation she mentioned a guy she physically likes and who is ever-present in her life 'cause he's her friend. (also her best friend's boyfriend) so i guess i get a bit flustered since the guy looks nothing (nothing!!) like me and is a good latin dancer and i'm not and ani likes to dance. so she says she loves and that a dance with me in bed is better than any dance and blah blah blah, calm his fear, i love you. so i feel good i guess, but emphasis on the i guess. so now i'm bit nervous and i wonder how ani is really feeling and if she's telling everything she's thinking. i feel that i love her no matter what and no matter how hard it is to be apart for so long it's going to a heaven to pay for when we're together. i just hope she thinks the same way. (i also hope she doesn't start to "forget me" while she's there)

wasting time..again...

2005-03-17T17:24:00.000-08:00

so this is me wasting time again. i've got nothing really of value to say except that i have about 15 minutes until class which is hope is canceled. um...story? ok
guy walks into a bar.
guy check girl out
girl says "c'mon boy...o"
guy walks towards girl
girl looks at him with intent
intent to what? thinks the guy
guy smiles thinking he getting lucky tonight
girl tells him he's lucky
they both leave the bar
go to girl's place
girl asks him how is his life
guy gripes about his work
guy whines about money
girl tells him he's lucky
girl ties the guy to bed
girl tells guy he is lucky again
girls tells him she's psycho
girl goes to kitchen
girl comes back and slashes the guy
guy cannot speak, throat cut
girl laughs maniacally
girl tells him he's lucky he doesn't have to gripe or whine anymore
guy's eyes open really wide
girl masturbates in his face
girl comes hard and smears her juices in his face
"a final drink eh?" she says
guy is disturbed and has forgotten he's tied
girl smiles harder than ever and plunges her hand into his wound
he dies.
she smiles
guy
girl
nothing else.
story ends.
moral? don't gripe about life, there are many delicuious pussies out there in need to make your life better.

(so yeah...improv...isn't it cool?)

just do it ok? i'm bored

2005-03-14T09:35:00.000-08:00

Leave me an anonymous comment with:

one secret.

one compliment.

one complaint.

one thing you just wanted to tell me but couldn't.

one quote that reminds you of me.

how long we've been friends.

a hint to who you are.

the start of a beautiful relationship

2005-03-11T23:32:00.000-08:00

I remember being just tall enough to reach the doorknob when I first saw Mazinger that afternoon long ago. It was hot and I had just come into the house from playing in the yard, my older brother was sitting at the TV and drinking coke from one of dad's beer mugs. At first it was the coke and ice that attracted me to the living room but before I got a chance to quench my thirst a TV flicker caught my eye: mazinger in action. That moment changed my life. It was from that day forward that my love for anime began to grow and take root in my life. For some reason the animation style, the art, the music and all the elements that make up anime really took hold of my little body and soul and since then my admiration for them has only grown. But what are these elements that make anime anime? What exactly classifies anime? Is it simply cartoons from Japan? That question has been answered many times by many different, and much more educated, people other than me, but in my opinion I believe that anime is defined by a "feel". There is something that all anime have no matter how different the art might be from to another, no matter how differently drawn they are, that simply defines it as anime to the viewers as soon as they see it. A common thread. What could it be? It's tension. All animes have in their story development a feeling of tension, a feeling of some unresolved issue, be it unknown motives (i.e. evangelion) or simply a past history tension is forever present in anime. It is this distinct feature that glues the viewer to the screen to watch episode after episode only to have that tension resolved at the end or not at all. It is that tension that mimics real life so elegantly in anime that elevates anime over cartoons. Anime isn't simply to entertain, or to joke about, it a serious medium through which the human condition is conveyed in all its glory. And when I first saw that flicker of mazinger on that little TV, I understood the beauty that lay in front of my eyes and from that moment on, my beautiful relationship with anime began.

night thoughts

2005-03-11T22:18:00.000-08:00

so it's late but i don't wanna sleep. i was thinking about writing a new story, or continuing the one written a couple of posts down but i just feel like writing. i guess i just don't have the mental energy to come up with something creative right now. so i also don't know what to write. i just wish right now that i had something to do. there's nothing on tv and there's nothing on nothing. my only friends are probably sucking face, or talking incessantly about their love affairs (and by affairs i don't mean like cheating, but like of events) so yeah. i got nothing to do, bored as hell and being creative right now is not what i feel like doing. i feel like doing that requires no thought whatsoever, something entirely physical and pleasurable. so like bowling or fucking are my options at this time of night. but my partner is far away and igot no one to bowl with...so i guess i'm just going to lay in bed imagining i'm the only survivor of a crash landing on the planet mars. yeah, i guess that's what i'm going to until i fall asleep which will probably be until very late. so..ja.

well....just checking the blogs....

2005-03-09T18:23:00.000-08:00

ok ppl. while checking the good old sex blogs, i came about this little gem about the what? the *down there* of you lovely ladies. this site has an educational purpose, so it's fun to learn about many different *down theres*. it is also brutally honest in pictures and the ones labeled extreme really made me turn away. but to tell you the truth, out of all the ones i saw i thought that all were beautiful. i really did, the entire "pussy" is really beautiful in all its different forms. (well actually there was one that i thought..ugh. i mean other than in the extreme section. it's the one that's "granulated"..ugh) . but anyway. the female anatomy much like their attitued are so different from one to another!! it's astonishing! but anyway, enough of my love for pussy, here's the link!!

poof again

2005-03-08T21:02:00.000-08:00

i called her back. talked a bit. the bad feeling...poof again. good things. still love like a loser.

it just went poof

2005-03-08T20:41:00.000-08:00

i had a good feeling tonight. talked to ani. it just went poof. something is wrong. i love like a loser.

2005-03-08T19:36:00.000-08:00

this is what i look like after i've played my guitar for a couple of hours..you can't see the sweat, but i was really into it. it feels so nice!! if i could i woulkd play guitar every minute of my life.

and.."they're pinky and the brain.."

2005-03-08T11:04:00.000-08:00

can anyone say "take over the world" better than Brain from acme labs? apparently scientists in California are on the way to create a Brain, or at least a Pinky, twin. As it stands, they will be allowed to have mice with entirely human brain cells. meaning for a cure to diseases like alzheimer and such the research will begin soon. i however believe it will end with two very confused intelligent mice who will ultimately take over the world. the reasearch was approved on the condition that if the mice show any signs of human-like intelligence then the research will be dropped, but who's going to tell? oh i can picture it " hey guys, the mice are building an apartment! and the other one is knitting!, oh golly, let me go tell everyone so my amazing research and my possibility to have my name known throughout history will be thrown to the dump!!" yeah..right.
here's the boingboing link

2005-03-07T14:15:00.000-08:00

well, so no one reads this, or no one can decipher the thing, or no one wants a present. so whatever. i'm now in school and all is boring. i'm waiting for my group from my compu class so we can get together and work on our project. i should be getting ahead and starting to see how it is that we're going to do it, but i don't feel like it. it sucks and i'm not going to do it. i'm just going to waste time and spend all my time here doing nothing and just relax. although i know i can't relax because i know two things: i gotta go home to do hmk for my worst class, and i also have to start going to the gym again. i hate the gym. it's just this place full of smell all of which none is "breathable". and it's funny, because for some reason you get to the gym and all the ppl you see are the super muscles man or the ultra hot chicks, or the incredibly embarrasing ppl. and since one is neither from the former two, then that only leaves you being one of the embarrasing ppl who should never wear what they are wearing at the moment, or ever EVER do the exercise they are doing at the moment. so going to the gym is a debilitating experience to my ego and so it sucks. but i better go because i haven't had any physical activity for a long time and i feel i'm starting to root and my roots are not heading to the ground but to the fridge. so i better brak them dang roots. (gotta be healthy you know?) and so...yeah. i know going to the gym with a guy friend is all cliche'ed and what not, but i'd prefer to go with my brother. at least he knows what he's doing. i hate going by myself. i fee lost and like a helpless fat sheep in a pack of wolfs. (although i'm a sheep with a m16...that's right biatches!!..hehe just kidding....although i'm prety good with a sheep-sword...hehe just kidding again) and so even though it's probably a super gay thing to do i'd still preffer to go with some frtiend

2005-03-05T13:09:00.000-08:00

ok i have a contest for my readers, you see one day i woke up and i wrote smth that i thought was cool. so now i can't read it. now, for the reader who guess the writing, i will award one prize. you all now my limitations so don't ask me for smth crazy. if you don't know my limitations, then email me for your prize and i will tell you if i can give or not. ja.

2005-03-05T13:05:00.000-08:00

soo...ywah, i have contest...i don't know if y email is listed so here it is: scared at musician dot org. ok so..yeah....ja.

2005-03-04T22:15:00.000-08:00

this is the judge lady i used to watch during my boring days at gainsville fl. isn't funny to catch her mid-blink? if like more celebs mid-blink go to here...ok?

more stuff to ponder about....

2005-03-04T13:46:00.000-08:00

ponder about how they collected all this slang.....
check this old hobo dictionary....

so i owe some money to some guy. so what?

2005-03-03T23:26:00.000-08:00

So I owe money to some guy. So what? It’s not like he’s going to find me half way across the world. I mean how big can he be? Nowadays gangsters like him have no power anymore, I mean no real power. There used to times when people like the Italian mafia could beat you to a pulp in Beirut, and when the damn Irish could kill you in china. But now things are different, and besides this guy is just a small time gangster from a third world South American country. That guy is probable too busy eating bananas and smoking his crack to notice. Yeah I’m safe here in Miami.

“Today I met a guy. He’s the most handsome, brilliant guy I’ve ever met”. Julia told Merle as they were going down to the parking lot. “I swear to you, he’s so hot it made my panties smoke off!” Merle being her usual quiet self simply grinned and looked for her car. “Hey Merle can you give me a ride today? I forgot that my car is in the shop…pretty please? With sugar on top?” Julia hung around Merle’s neck like a little monkey pouting her lips and almost blinding her with her foot long eyelashes. Merle shrugged her off “sure, it’s not like I haven’t done so for the past month. Why don’t you just admit that you had to sell your car to pay your gambling debts?” Julia pouted even more but stopped batting her lashes “why why why?” she whined. “My car is in the shop; otherwise no boys would date me. I must show I’m an independent woman with a car. I mean, no one in Miami without a car can be considered dependent. “So what am I, your mother or your chauffeur?” Julia stepped in front of Merle, “how about your lover?” and laughed maniacally throwing her back. “You know I could never be a lesbian. I mean no offense, you’re very pretty and all Merle, but it’s just that muff doesn’t call that much attention to me, you know? I mean, what’s being a lesbian anyway? To me there is no difference in the sexual act, but to be a lesbian one must not only like to fuck women, but also love them and I for one could never love love another woman. I mean, do you have any idea how fucking hard it is to maintain us? I mean, we need constant admiration, we need constant love, we need pampering, it’s just too hard to have a girlfriend and love her and I’m too lazy for that. I want a guy who I can just fuck for 15 minutes and he thinks the world is his. And not only that, but to make a woman really happy it’s like trying to escape quick sand with a lemon, not only impossible but irrational as well (and I believe that the only man to be able to do that is MacGyver, he would definitely make the best lover ever). We’re just too complicated and that’s why men will never understand us and we’ll never understand us. We just keep on pretending, and acting, and swimming in that river called ‘da nile’, and all that just too keep them confused and us content. Because that’s all we really are, just content. I think we are biologically designed to never achieve happiness. I mean, if we were completely happy with our lives, how could we push our sons to be better? We need to always see the other wife better, we need to always see the other son better, we as women are the ones who have pushed civilization to what it is today and we will push to the next evolution. It is however very sad that in the modern world some us have deluded each other into believing that easy sex is synonym with love and from that is where the lesbianism lies. So I don’t anyone is capable of being a lesbian, they are just crazy whores.” Merle had finally found the car and headed for it with Julia trailing close behind, “so if you don’t think lesbians are real, then what about gays?” Merle asked right before regretting ever opening her mouth. Julia was astonished, Merle usually never talked back or answered any questions, and she also didn’t have an answer right away. Julia waited until they were on the car until she suddenly said “well gays are a completely different story. I could really be a gay guy.”

2005-03-03T22:31:00.000-08:00

dunno...just wasting space....

mh.....dunno

2005-03-03T21:36:00.000-08:00

i dunno, lately i've been in the writing mood but i haven't really. i mean, i've wanted to do smth creative like write a new story or actually put a melody on my new song, but i'm just being too lazy to do the work. this sucks...how can i get the energy needed? i know some of you might think, "but wait why don't you use this energy to instead of whine in your blog to actually write?" well the answer is simple. i don't have to think a simgle thing to whine, whereas to write i need to "feel" what's going on. so....yeah. let me just talk about myself and bore you to death. (warning, the following text is extremely borign and should not be read by anyone wishing to operate heavy machinery and who works as security guard at night) so...what have i been listening to lately? well, two things, fz's waka jawaka, and led zep's I. yeah the first one, gotta problem with that? well actually i bought it to listen to a song that i'm learning, i would tell you the name but i've forgotten and i'm not going to look it up. it turns out i like led zep I a lot and it was like rediscovering led zep (apparently i've been listening to III and houses too many times). now for jaka...oh man. what can i say? it's a trip man, it's really a trip. all i can say is that i agree with r.y. that fz is a genius. i now wish to be like fz, he's become my role model for the little while, 'cause no one can be like i'm going to be so i got no role model yo hear? on another topic, i still cannot figure out how to upload a file on to my own page from fiu so you ppl can dl some samples of my noises. um..what else? nah..just here waiting for a girl to call me you? yeah i'm sure..so how's it going? i mean, how's life and all? oh really? that's cool. um....nothing else to say right? school is going allright (well actually so far i'm failing one of my classes..guess which one: that's right, my class at 8 in the morning. i've only failed one class in my life and you know at what time was it? that's right, at 7:30am. notice a pattern? me too) but otherwise..things are kinda good. i'm workign on designing a memory sub-system for an mp3 player and it's been a pain trying to find suitable dram chips. i only need 8M damn it, not a gazillion!!! and i also have to write a stupid program to control a video card. oh it stucks, 'cause the program i got doesn't support such size of arrays and so i can only work at school and it sucks. and why do screens need to be in color!!! damn it!! black and white is all we need, i mean if computer screens and tvs were in b&w, maybe ppl would apreciate going out more. so yeah, what else? i dunno man, my elect prof is so borign half way through the class all i hear is *muffled muffled muffled muffles* *whao waho whao* "carlitos" style you know? ("carlitos" is charlie brown in most spanish speaking countries) and i'm missing about half of my classes of ckts but it doesn't matter because it seems i'm doing ok in that class. also...i forgot what other classes i have. anyway, lately i've also wanted to read again. i haven't read a book in such a long time my eyes are starting to hurt. i'm planning on finishing an anthology of short stories i got but i don't know with which to start as i've already read all the ones i knew would be cool, the next one will be a mystery to me. (and i refuse to read stephen king!! don't ask me why). so yeah...there, it's been a long post and i should have used this energy to write a cool story about another loser who dies at the end....or not.

oh man...this is a m ust see!!

2005-03-03T11:03:00.000-08:00

this is the funiest stuff i've seen this week!!!possibly the month!!

2005-03-02T08:04:00.000-08:00

i think this pic speaks for itself...or not. the backside of outdoor weddings...do you think she's got the toilet paper?

funny stufff...jjust more ofit.......

2005-03-02T08:00:00.000-08:00

READ THIS!!!!!!!

more funny stuff

2005-02-28T20:39:00.000-08:00

you gotta read this cartoon!!!!!!

2005-02-28T19:57:00.001-08:00

another little monster...this one thinks he's invincible

2005-02-28T19:57:00.000-08:00

i thought it was a cool pic..damn flash!!!

2005-02-28T19:54:00.001-08:00

mister frodo being a pest.....damn little monster!!

2005-02-28T19:51:00.001-08:00

the getting married...hehe.

2005-02-28T19:51:00.000-08:00

giving a speech here..notice the guy clapping at the right? i was cool..nice wroding and all made up at the last minute..oih yeah

2005-02-28T19:31:00.000-08:00

foto from the weding..my bro's wedding.

for semi-nerds

2005-02-28T11:32:00.000-08:00

this is smth cool i found on from the bbc news stuff.
this is stuff from boing boing.

boy i just keep having fun don't i?

2005-02-28T11:29:00.000-08:00

well this is what would happen if R2D2( or little arthur in spanish) would go inside my great grandma's house..that darned dog!!

for nerds only

2005-02-28T11:26:00.000-08:00

well, this is a ton of old computer advertisements...hilarious!! man oh man, if only i lived in the eighties with the knowledge i ha ve now...i'd be bigger than steve jobs and what's his face from microsoft combined...oh man...damn! here's the link..laugh. my favorite ones are the ones from apple (want a bite?) and the ones with asimov. hilarious!

for more light hearted fun

2005-02-28T11:11:00.000-08:00

and now to shine the sun on the blig again....
so halle berry (hey i just figured her name is that of a fruit..funny huh? i bet her husband must make fun of that a lot). (so what would she be? a black berry? a raspberry? a blueberry? mh...or maybe a wild berry) so anyway, she has gone up a notch in my book by accepting the "razzy" award for her movie catwoman. now, i didn't see that movie because i thought it would be piece of crap and that it would dishonor the batman world. (pretty much like the new batman movie will do) so, i didn't see, i thought about seeing just to see a brown sugar delicious mama in leather suits, and imagine my baby wearing that stuff, but at the end i didn't think it was enough to make pay up a gazillion dollars to see such a debacle. and so i've always wondered what did she (berry girl) thought of the movie. well apparentlt she also thought it was crappy as you can read in the link i'll give you in a sec. so she's cool for personally accepting the award for worst actress and so it's cool of her and she's a good sport. way to go halle! (i loved her in the flintstones though...crappy movie, but she was sexy as hell, even more than in swordfish. so there ani!) and so..here's the link

2005-02-27T21:51:00.000-08:00

can you belive this!! i call her to tell her i love her and what do i find out!?!! she was out having fun!!! what tha fuck!!? i needed to talk to her, and she knows, but she tells me she REALLY has to do a lot of work and so we hung up. i have a rant and feel good about her again and want to tell her i love her and so forth and i imagine her doing her hmk and what not, and guess what? the bitch is out with her friends in the computer lab laughing it out!! what tha fuck!? does she even care about me? does she fucking care? i needed to talk to her before!! what the fuck man!!! i'm pissed and i'm reconsidering all those "why"s again. fuck this man, i'm going to sleep. (i'm still living her, but i'm fucking pissed as fuck) fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfudfuck fuckfuckffuckffuckfucfk. (i typed it all...makes me feel better..fuck!)

rehaul, rethoughts, rere's.

2005-02-27T21:11:00.000-08:00

well, it's time for me i guess. (this is a personal entry that i'm simply putting it here b/c.....becausei feel like ok?! so fuck you in advance) (by the way, i'm sorry for the foul fingers, but i'm no mood to be nice tonight) (i'm rather in a pensive, kill the world, kinda mood) i'm talking about my re-evaluating of my relationship today. lately, i have found myself kind of getting a high school crush in a girl at school. i don't know her name but helplessly i find myself thinking about taking her out and having "exciting" times with her. now by exciting i mean like those moments when you've just come out of the theater and you're both standing there next to your car talking for what seemed like a minute, when it was really 30, and suddenly you realize that you have to get going but then there is this ackward silence and there's just this charge in the air and it seems like thunder is about to happen. by exciting i mean that moment when you're both ordering ice cream and then she orders somth and then the cashier lady extends her hand out to give the ice cream to her and one as a gentleman reaches out to give it to her and but she also reaches for it and both of your hands touch and you just hold it there like an idiot for a second before giving it to her and then smiling like dork. you know what i mean? i think you do. so lately i've had thoughts about a woman i have a class with. she is nice and all, but what's going on here? is goold ol' david considering cheating on his girl? the guilt that acoompanies those thoughts is like a ton (1000 of the "new" kilos) compacted in a ball the size of a peanut that is being lodged under your fingernail and everytime you try to move not only dos it hurt like a bitch, but also it's anchoring you down like a slave in one of those charlton heston's movies. ( i had to throw in the little joke there...too serious for too long can make one sad for a long time, and i've decided that being sad is nothing i want to experience again, even if it means that i'll have to swim all the way to africa to get to the nile..get it..denial? anyway.....) so where was i? oh yeah, my thoughts. so because of that i've decided to do an overhaul of my relatioship. i tried talking to her about it, but she was what? too busy. yep, too busy. What? what did you say? why don't i dump her already? why do i continue to be with someone who clearly seems to care when she has the time? why do i seem to try to push myself to like her when she's been so selfish? why don't i look for someone a bit more like me, someone who can take it easy, someone who isn't trying to save the world and get a 4.0 gpa at all costs including sanity? (roger's words come back to haunt me) why do i seem like i have to love her just because she says she loves me? does she really love me? sometimes i think she doesn't. she's the kinda of girl who because i'm good for her she will make herself stay with me. she might also stay with my out of pity or because she simply cannot bring herself to end something that has worked too good. to tell you the truth i've taken a lot of crap in my day and i've accepted a lot of things from her and i haven't really seen that coming from her. i've sacrificed things for her, she says she feels bad when i've done smth like that. i don't feel bad at all, i've got no regrets (well maybe not putting salt on a bread but that's different story) and all i've done i've done it gladly. but when i think about it, when does she do smth like that for me? i can't recall at the moment. (then again i do tent to ony remember the bad things ppl do to me). all she has done it seems like it's for her. and i'm proud of her, but i can't help but to think that maybe we just weren't meant for each other at times. she can be so dry! she sometimes can be like a freezing desert. cold, dead, and dry. she tries, i know she does, but...that's the way she is. so why haven't i dumped her yet? am i deluding myself that this is a good thing? is she? well to tell you the truth, as i've been writing these things my head as been on her. i've been thinking about how i feel like when i'm with her. let me tell you somth, i've never died, i've never had a near-death experience, but i can be with ani. when i can truly be with her, i KNOW i've seen and experience heaven. when i'm with her, all my troubles seem to dissappear, i feel like i can do anything i want, i feel like i can simply jump and fly if i felt like it. i kinda feel like peter pan to tell you the truth. she makes me truly smile and i mean truly. she makes my heart be filled with happiness. and that is why i believe i love her. and because i love her is the reason why all the bad things described above seem like a grain of sand in some nice comfy Vans shoes, virtually non-existant. but let me tell you, if there is one thing that can end this relationship is her"busy". there are times when i need to talk to her, to communicate with her, but she's busy. i hate it when we can't talk. i mean you chose to be so far, at least have the decency to make some time for me goddamn it!! that's the reason why i had those thoughts about the woman way above. i want to do things with my love, but i can't. i want to go to the movies, but i can't. i want to go to the theater, but i can't. i want to see the new art exhibition, but i can't. i want i want i want i want. i hate her being so far away. i miss her terribly! sometimes all i want is a hug, a hug with real love in it. and i'm angry because i go hugless for so long, and the person who could give me the best hug is so far away. i miss her so much, but i'm agnry so that makes me want to find that "hug" some other place, with someone who is close and not "busy" all the time. it made me very sad to have those thoughts about another woman, i know i'm garbage but love her. i wish she can forgive me for being such a dick, and stupid moron and not looking like those guys on the magazines or whatever. or for not being cool like the depp actor, or for not being a good musician like my friend roger or billy corgan. i'm just someone who will probably spend the rest of his life working until retirement making the worst jokes of all time and laughing at people getting hurt on tv. so...that's been my rehauling and i cleaned everything and i feel so good! it's good to rant. thanks for blogs!! yeah, i fee much better, i'm going go call ani and tell her i love her because i do. what if she doesn't lovem back? i gotta trust man, i gotta trust.

2005-02-25T21:48:00.000-08:00

one day, there was a princess named aby. aby was a nice girl who liked ppl. one day in the forest she met a boy named bah. bah was really nice to aby and both soon fell in love. but aby had a cousing who really watnted to be king and the only way to become king was to marry aby. so he sent off a squadron of men to kill bah and to capture aby. the men took bah from his house in the forest and while he was making love to aby, they killed him with a sword through his back. aby screamed and cried, but the men didn't care and took her prisoner to her cousing chi. chi saw the beautiful and still naked aby and raped her for an entire night; they were to marry the next day. aby was devastated and in what seemed a catatonic state of mind. the next day they were married. at night, aby wanted sex. she called chi to her and took him in. as chi was about to climax, aby took her right hand and shoved it down his throat while with her other hand she painfully removed his eyes. he couldn't scream and entered into a convulsive shock. he bit her hand but she didn't care, she felt nothing after bah's death. she stood there, sitting on his penis until his convulsions stopped and he had finally died, either from blodd loss or loss of air. she stood, called bah's name 5 times and then fell to the ground smiling. to this day no one knows how aby died, but some ppl suspect she finally rejoined with bah and both a living happy somewhere in the heaven they created. the end.

2005-02-24T17:02:00.000-08:00

oh man, i'm tired! i haven't eaten today and i've been in school all day. i feel like i'm ready to plop down into bed and sleep the sweet sleep. i've got half hour until class and then until 10:30 PM until i can go home. damn school. for those intrerested, i didn't do too well on my other exam although not as bad as i did on the other bad one. gotta prepare more before tests. um...what else? ont much life around here has been going on as usual i guess. my head is hurting from being inside this bldg for so long and i feel like my eyes will be popping out soon. to top it off, i left my cell at home and believe it or not i feel kinda naked without it..it's sickening i know. i gotta lay off the cell a bit more, at first i hated those things becasue they took time from ppl and took momentary times, and now i'm just another comm junkie. sad, david, sad. see, i'm so tired i'm even talking in the 3rd person!! i'm going crazy, or as some ppl (p-p-l) in the other side of the spheres of craziness would say, i'm going "nutz". empasis on the letter z. why mispelling words such a cool thing to do? i don't understand it. waz ron wi lovin da way to rite? for shizzle my whizzle friends, and ma hispizzle, and ma nizzle friends. going nutz i'm telling you going nutz......ja.

2005-02-20T20:18:00.000-08:00

i just finished playing guitar and oh wow. i hadn't had anice feeling like that since a long time. ok gotta go. sleep beckons!

2005-02-20T19:35:00.000-08:00

mh..not much. but after checkin around the blogs, i've found two little reading that i found to be...very tasty. one about backdoor fun.
the second about other backdoor fun...different backdoors though. yeah, life's been pretty boring. tried writing real lyrics to my first song but...nothing good yet. basically, all i got is some rythm stuff with some chords (the main being G, D, Em, G, D, Am,bis, G, D, C..build up.....riff repeat)
yeah, boring but hopefull the lyrics will make up for the lack of stuff. also it's very....well i'm not good at making melodies (espeically coming from my lack of singing talent) so....i don't know how it will come out. um...what else? man, i feel like i really want a bj. for real. why? i don't know, i just have like a craving for it. crazy huh? i also want some pussy juice, it tastes so good! oh well. gotta wait. um..whatelse? oh yeah, my bro is getting married soon and it will be cool. yeah. um..nothing else right? no, i don't think so. ok ppl, ja.

2005-02-19T01:14:00.000-08:00

sooooooo....what the hell?! three years and what? nothing? not even a freaking phone call at the end of the day. she had a party to attend to and what? too late to call to at least to say goodnight? or at least to say you'll be too late to call? what too much fun fucking other ppl? (i told you i'd be letting my mind loose, so please stop reading and get out and never comeback if you don't like it) too much fun enjoying your life to even fucking call? damn man. oh well what can i do? at least she's happy, and i'm content with that.

2005-02-18T12:31:00.000-08:00

well, i told you i'd be taking bakc the evilness of my mind nad showint it here....(sensitive ppl, please don't click) we all love some yoni

2005-02-15T15:00:00.000-08:00

i'm kinda depressed. i didn't get a good standing on my test, i'll be happy to get a mediocre grade at best..oh well. to hell with it, it's not my future. soooo...what else? not much... i talked to one of my bandmembers and apparently he's not following the path anymore. he's following a more popular path, the money path. that's right, since he has much more talent he plans to make a lot of money, retire young and live happy. isn't that nice? he'll probably do well and all. me? i'm still trying to be a failure in life, but whatever, i wouldn't be anything otherwise. i'm going to be myself and that is not what i'm preparing for now. will i make it? doubtful, but i gotta try, i really do. the daily blues i suppose. i need to eat pussy. (see i told you i'd be going crazy, if you don't like it, truly get out and never come back)

2005-02-10T08:21:00.000-08:00

bored. i'm here in school i almost couldn't wake up. last night i got home tired from being out and i needed sleep (because i knew i had to wake up early) and so i called my love but she was very busy busy. so we talked goodnight and then i went to sleep. for what seemed half hour later she called back. (ugh..sorry bro...) and so i had to get up go to bathroom and she's saying "i'm sorry i'm sorry", for a moment i thought that maybe she wasn't doing hmk but someone else, and so i asked "sorry for what?" (after i thought she was with someone else i thought she was saying i'm sorrry for calling again) and she said she was sorry about not saying goodbye earlier...ugh. and so i'm there thinking..ok so?! and so now i'm pissed that she woke me and pissed that she AVOIDED saying bye to me from before but whatever. so we say goodbye and let at that. Then i got back to sleep..finally. so i wake up like i'm dead and i came to school but thankfully i did 'cause the guy did some reviewing (sort of, he just said page numbers and pointed out the obvious) of the test next class. after class i came to the computer to do a write up for my lab (for which i always do on time...unlike some other ppl i know) but it's going really slowly and boring. so i got .25 of it done and there is a lot left that i gotta finish before 8pm, but right now i've got another class that i gotta go to. i don't want to go, but i alsoi have a test next week on it and i better go. um...anything else? no..nothing i guess. oh yeah, i'm taking back my blog so if you don't like perverted/sick/nasty/wonderful/erotic/disgusting/revolting thoughts then please don't come back to this blog. i will try to write my thoughts as they come from now on so please don't judge me, the mind can be very messed up. ok so i gotta go, please keep in mind, if you have a preconcieved notion of who i am and if it's good and you are a sensitive person please never come back again to this blog. thank you. (i'm a nice person anyways...but my brain might not be)

2005-02-02T14:23:00.000-08:00

hellou ppl. here i am writing to waste time. um, in a little while i'm going go help my friend iva study for her calculus stuff, and hopefully i'll be able to study some of my circuit crap. what else? i don't know. oh yeah, i've started a little bit on song writing. i'm writing my first song, the working title for now is "can't hold back now", which will definetely NOT be the actual name of the song because it's too long and stupid. the song sounds somewhat of a hybrid of lennon (sans the other beatles), a bit of dylan (i've heard too little of him so..who knows), a little of bit of the artists who play for "Beck" the anime, and the main ingredient is my patented random finger placement chords. so yeah....so far basically no interesting riffs or anything and the singing sucks but hey, it's my first song. so aynway...i gotta go...if i ever play the stuff and record it, i'll put up somehow....ok...ja ne..

2005-01-31T19:09:00.000-08:00

nevermind.......they've deleted loster and crazybean...oh well..they are not words yet...

2005-01-31T18:23:00.000-08:00

well well well..it's official now, the definition of the word loster .
also look take a look at crazybean.
ok have fun...ja na...

2005-01-31T08:32:00.000-08:00

um..no news that i feel like putting it up. just wanted to take that old post down a bit. anyways, this is crazy i don't know why i'm blogging. listen to me "blogging", since when did i become a real blogger? man, i'm no blogger i'm just a loster who likes to write the daily bores of his life so he doesn't forget them..i guess. i love..i don't know what i love, right now i'm just writing words for nothing. birds, fish, sticks, alligators...i'm bored. eh..don't know. life lately seems to be simply passing by and i don't want to let it but i'm too lazy to to dom smth. i'm a total loster. oh well....ja.

2005-01-27T07:12:00.000-08:00

well, i'm in school again. boring stuff i know, but not much is going on around these parts. missing my lady very much but that's about it. tonight i might go to gianni's place, but this time to accompany gianni's new "friend" who's afraid of being left alone and so since she's also my friend, she's asked me to go. she's afraid that gianni, in his overwhelming popularity, might leave her alone for some time and so she doesn't want to be left alone in the place full of strangers...a feeling i've become quite accustomed to and actually find conducive to writing. i like being alone, but i specially like being alone with strangers, it gives me a kind of security, kind of like how i felt when i was in my "hell" school. i was always afraid and always in hiding. i was there but i wasn't, i was a shadow of a shadow. and i guess i did ir for so long that now i find that i liked it. i liked being under a rock, i liked embracing the coldness and darkness of death, oh how i wish! i guess that place really messed my head but whatever. in other things, i realized what's been bothering me about my EM class. (electromagnetics mania) (i also know that i put the period before the parenthesis and that that is wrong, but i don't care, it's become a mannerism of my typing. i just want to have that point clear) the thing is that i feel like i understand but yet i don't, and so i'm feeling all confused in class and stuff, but i got it now. the problem is that i understand all the mathematics and all the logic, but what i fail to see is just the physical aspect of it. i'm in want of seeing the big picture. right now i'm all maths and crap, i need to get my cables and antenneas (is that the right was to spell it?) into my calculations, i'm going nowhere no say!! whatever man, i still love my teacher's jokes, he's very clever in his timing. but whatever, what else have i done? not much man just hang around, yesterday i helped my faajaa (ferger?) (oh....his father!) in his clinic to do some errands and what not. after that, which was pretty late (9PM) i tried to call ani but she was sleeping in order to wake up like at 11PM to do so much hmk that it would your head spin. and then go to sleep in the morning time only to sleep very few hours in order to tire herself to death and not eat and get to her dorm tired and sleep again to continue down a messed up spiral of feeling bad and having a weak constitution and getting sick and headaches and all that bad stuff that she gets. pluss bad sleep time!!
oh well, i think i'm going to now and try do some hmk for once. (or maybe not)

2005-01-25T22:30:00.000-08:00

go here you slowpoke!!!! (that's only for me, the owner)

well well....

2005-01-25T10:11:00.000-08:00

i guess i'm back writing to spend time in school. i'm bored so i'm writing to do nothing. what can i talk about? oh yeah, the stuff i've done. let me see..the trip to chicago!
ok the first day i get super tired because i haven't slept in like forever (about 24 hours) and so me and my girl are just having fun seeing each other again and kissing and stuff and then she decides she's hungry so we go out to eat. we went to one of the first places we went on my first visit to the windy city : the medici, or as ani and friends call it, the med. so yeah i'll call it the medici 'cause i'm cool like that. so yeah, it was a nice rest. and i had a chicago style pizza with 'shrooms and black olives, and sun-dried tomatoes, and offcourse pineapple. YUM! Ani had something else that i can't remember right now, i'm sure it was tasty for her. then she ordered dessert and i got myself a tea, peppermint, which turned out to be an awesome choice when combined with her cakey dessert. the night was great and we suddenly realized that we had spent like 3 hours in the medici se we payed and were on our way. she wanted to show me her skeleton in the closet and so we went towards the science bldg, but as we're getting closer she realizes that the bldg would probably be closed and since it was so cold (it was freaking cold man!!) she decided to head back. we hung out in her room for a while and then we went to sleep...thank goodness!! (by then, i had been around 40 hours sans sleep!!!)
so the next day...let me remember...oh yeah (hey i just figured that having a blog is a way to keep memories that could otherwise be lost!!!) the next day we went downtown to take advantage of some free AMC movie tickets i got. we watched "the fockers" and we laughed and had a good time. then after, we were going to go to a restaurant (and like always she had already looked it up online and knew the adress and had a backup plan and everything, why can't we ever just wing it? isn't it more exciting like that? *sigh* oh well, no one's perfect) and so we walk through freezing streets and she's getting antsy about finding the place and i just wanna relax and have good time but whatever, and so we finally find her place and once we get there it turns out to be this cool bar with cool music and whatnot but it's only but 21 and over..bum. and so we left and i'm already kindoff pissed for having so walk to fast (she never likes to just..promenade, you know?) and having to put up with her stress about the wrong place and so we had to go to plan B (and i'm also a bit bothered by having to go with some stupid plan instead of just finding a place, man we passed so many cool places looking for the goddamned rest. including this italian place that looked cozy, warm and romantic..but whatever). ok to get to plan B we had to get on the train and i'm kinda angry with her and so i told her and she realized it and i forgave her and she forgave me for being so...whatever, and so we kiss and make up and get out of the subway to look for the place. we look and look and nothing, so plan b dind't work and so i suggested to eat at hard rock cafe since we haven't eaten there before or smth. it turned out to be a great choice!! we had a cool meal and we had a great waiting time. (man, the best waiting times i have, have been waiting with ani) the only bad thing is that the waitress kept calling us ladies....i know i have long hair but damn!! i'd be an ugly chick!! anyway, the night was great and we went back to our cozy room to wamr each other and sleep tight....oh so nice!!
and the next day we went to buy some groceries which i didn't think was enough and so i wanted to give her some money but since we would go out to eat that night too, i had to conserve. so that night we went out for thai food and it was good, we shared some appetizers and the other food i can't really type it in. so that night we cozied up and slept with smiles...but with knowing that the next day i'd be gone. i was sad the next day as i entered the airport. it felt like the thread of destiny between me and ani was being pulled by giant sadness. as i sat on the plane i felt a great pain in my heart and my soul felt heavy. i felt like crying and as the plane flew away i felt the tugging at my pinky by that red string.....(i guess only a few will understand that reference)..oh man....don't want to type anymore.....ja.

hey, just so that you know..i'm MARRIED!!!

2005-01-24T19:11:00.000-08:00

yeah.....i guess i got hitched lately....she a lovely little woman.

Certificate of Marriage

This is to certify that
megane_sama + Kuchiki Rukia
were married
on the 25th day of January 2005

~~~~~~ MYFC ~~~~~~

a bad day for the world of bombadil

2005-01-23T19:25:00.000-08:00

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
oh woe is me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
Beck has been liscenced!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the world has ended.

2005-01-23T10:06:00.000-08:00

i'm a try a new look.

2005-01-20T15:50:00.000-08:00

well i'm lazy, so i've doing some more recycling stuff. and about my trip it was awesome but it's very sad leaving..it basically sucks! it's horrible to have awesome time together and fall in love again and have *good stuff* everyday more than once and then suddenly like nothing it goes *puff*. oh man...oh welll, here it's another sappy cheesy poem from the yonder years...

here is something i just wrote...i didn't like it....but who knows?

Quemo.

Tu piel es tan brillante

Y más caliente que mil estrellas.

(y más hermosa que la blancura de la luna)

No quiero que me toques por que me quemas,

Toda mi sangre hierve al pensar en ti,

Mi corazón se derrite al toque,

Y todo esto para nada.

…

Me estremezco.

Tus ojos son tan claros

Y más congelantes que el hielo.

 No quiero verte por que me pierdo.

Con ver tus ojos dejo de existir,

Cuando tu cabello mueve

Produce un aire tan frío

Que me deja sin vida—

Y tu sonrisa…. No hay nada mas maligno que tu sonrisa.

….

¿Tienes poderes síquicos sabes?

Tu sonrisa extrae mis entrañas

Y las extirpa poco a poco

Y cada vez duele más.

Duele  más.

Y más.

¿Sabes por que?

Por que cuando yo amo, ya no soy.

......................

-----------------

.....................

..................

Y yo te amo.

Boo!