sweet poison

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     ever see one of those stupid cliched movie scenes

where time slows down?

 Whenever things run afoul, i miss her the most. i can't stop thinking about her. how pretty she is. how her smile makes me melt. how her voice gives me goosebumps. stupid love songs hurt when she's in the forefront of my mind. and lately it's been a struggle to keep her away. how could i? i know i shouldn't say i'm in love. it's been too long. but why hasn't the pain just subsided? why is she still making me confused about everything. 


(maybe it's because i write in a personal blog).

Today's experiments were hot garbage. Some machinery even broke. The future does not look to be improving. t returned from his future job placement. e reached out to a possible venue for a new job. i feel like i'm getting stuck. sinking deeper into this quicksand. and i don't want to fight to get out because this way drowning can help distract me from the futile emotional pain. 

it sucks because i KNOW i don't have to feel this way. it's obviously not reciprocated. so why can't i stop myself from continued bothers.

-----------------------------------------------------

woman with hair down and long legs seems

to be the only sun in existence, pity

that you live in the real world.

    pity because snowflakes are less brilliant,

stars less glamorous,

rainbows colorless

when you are not around. 

    All love songs talk about mystical people

who love truly and madly

where couples run to the steeple

and everything is beautiful, partly

because it's all in your imagination

    partly because when you sing

the wind stands back to listen,

birds all fall in love,

happiness is made into sound.

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