sunshine lasted only one day

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 on my way to work everything felt great. i even had green lights all the way through. then it dawned on me. i can't be this happy for so long! i told myself not to jinx it. 

but i totally jinxed it.

i barely got any work done during the morning and then during our walk to get lunch r and i got into a heated debate. it was about social justice and racial tensions. i was wrong but i didn't even know how to let her know i was wrong. these debates are so hard. any argument can be taken as a surrogate for ones morals and then blam! suddenly you are making someone of yourself feel like they are the scum of the earth. 

so that conversation went on for a big part of the afternoon. it also took a big part of the emotional sie of the day. after a long discussion we were able to move beyond it and sort of understand where we were coming from but by then it was late afternoon and i think we all wanted to go home. 

what was nice was that we were able to bike together. i accompanied her to her home and it was nice. i think.

then i biked back home and watched tv and ate arepas again (yeah emotional eating. so sue me).

i just feel like an idiot. 

i feel alone too.

when i got home i felt almost like crying. not because of the conversation, but because even if my apartment is so tiny it felt so empty. i think i write in this journal as a way of having a friend to tell these things to. someone to confide in. i don't have anyone else so i just have myself. 

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