fortune teller

the curves of your lips
entice me beyond
what i, for my life,
can comprehend, and i miss
all those words, so found
with ease and smiles.

oh and how easy you smile
and my heart jumps and breaks
at your every move.
a greek goddess and i, beguiled,
love such beauty that strangely takes
my breath, my thoughts, my life.

a love impossible
a friendship distanced by
more than miles and words
but still i am susceptible
to that one touch that made me fly
and whisper your name in between dreams

dreams of your frame
of those curves of smooth
star stuff that glide through the air
and while i love all that's in your brain
this is my ever-present truth,
all i need is to see you smile.

innit hard to write?

writing to me is a passive physical activity. my mind races too fast for my fingers to catch up and thus for me to write requires patience. sometimes that patience transforms into laziness and it is not good. then i write nothing at all. i may have an idea i am excited about, but because i am excited of it i then realize i will bore quickly of it or "lose" it while writing. this kinda worries me. i've thought about "recording myself telling the stories and then writing them but i think the same principle would apply. sigh. i've also thought about writing lyrics. silly lyrics at first i think. silly rhymes. children's books style. also, i've just turned on the tv and i'm seeing this "new" woman artist on vh1....what is it about women playing the piano that turn me on so much? i remember the only "bad" thoughts i ever had about a certain teacher back in my youthful days came only when she played the piano. is it the pretty hands thing? that they bow their heads and their hair hangs downs and looks pretty?is it that they usually close their eyes but peek every once in a while in coquetish way to look at the music? the name of the lady was sarah b. it wasn't half bad. the song was called "love song". of course. so anyway, writing. i need to write two full length sci fi or fantasy short stories this month. i want to try. i really want to try. my actual goal is to "sketch" at least 5 stories. it's hard. writing sci fi is tough because i can't wing it. it is a premeditated form of writing (due to the sci aspect of it). i have to plan the place. the workings of it, the politics, the culture, is it far of futuristic or 5 years ahead? can we go to space yet or not? is there a new way to travel? how does it change the life that we now have? why is it sci-fi? how do people interact? maybe we have eliminated all verbal communication? how about computers? will we even regard them as a foreign object? and then i have to take all these things and explain them fast, one because they cannot under any circumstance mask the story, and two because a short story is well...short. so yea peeps. anything you'd like to see in the future? i had planned to write tonight. but i went outside. i kinda did not want to, but i had said since last night that i would so...compromises compromises!
i think about stories. but all i get are cliches, or what i think are cliches. like the first trip to a asteroidal colony (the story i tried before), or a man who suddenly goes to the past (how he does it it unclear yet), a woman who is a sought after goddess with a penchant for thievery and sexing comedians, a dude that dies and goes to the after life and is forced to decide which "heaven" to attend, a person that after a séance gone wrong finds that everything that he wishes to happen happen but not exactly..actually what happens is the opposite of what he thinks, so he spends the whole time trying to keep all his thoughts, every single one, under control but of course fails miserably with funny/catastrophic consequences....and more of the same trite and retarded-you-watched-too-much-anime ideas. so....yea. let's hope i write a story tomorrow that has nothing to do at all with what i wrote above.

ursula

[ok this didn't come out as i planned. at all. oh well. i gotta try some other time. i'm sleepy, burdened by some things and well i guess yesterday i would have written more. or better. i wonder what i should do with my life...not really, i know what i should do, i just need to come up with a better plan on achieving it. anyway tell me what you think, does it bore you right from the start? too clichéd? too many periods? bad punctuation? spelling? well spelling can only be typos because i'm a great speller but not so great typing. anyway, gimme feedback people]

after reading the final chapter of "the left hand of darkness" ursula turned off her ebook and threw it in the recyclables bin hoping that maybe the book would be sent to students in the colonies and thus travel with her on such a long voyage. it was her first time flying and being in such an open airfield had made her nervous, too nervous. she briskly walked over to the bar where an artificially smiling humanoid (besides, who could tell these days?) asked her if she wanted the 16 or 20 ounce glass.
-pardon me? i haven't ordered anything yet"
-ma'am, i am fitted with a i011 device, i can distinguish brain waves for most drinks, and yours is an iced tea, with a shot of vermouth"
-well no it's not. i want a....a...lemonade. and a beer. the beer in a can!
-as you wish
the robot (?) swiftly turned around and served drinks for other travelers, no one said a word, and 5 minutes later returned with a small glass filled with a green substance, a can of beer, and another glass of brownish liquid.
-the lemonade and beer. i have also brought the iced tead in case you change your mind.
ursula muttered a minute thanks and grabbed forcefully the iced tea.
the airfield was a small in comparison to the big ones in new york and paris but to ursula it seemed like it extended beyond anything she could see. there was small grass running all along the field except around the ship. sudden winds made it hard for extravagant ladies to keep their hats on and the heat from the sun bothered most men in suits. ursula felt wonderful after drinking 5 iced teas. the wind tickled her underarms, exposed from wearing a tank top, and the sun gently colored her skin. she had two hours until boarding time but felt like she could stay in the airfield forever. she moved away from the bar and looked up at the sky. not a cloud in sight. she lied down, like most of the other travelers, and simply tried to look up and dream about her new life. it was hard at first, she could not concentrate on anything in such a clean sky. her eyes wondered from the sun, to her hands, to the turbines floating like kites all along the perimeter of the airfield keeping clouds away. she looked until she finally caught a glimpse of the ship. it was just the tip. the round red tip. she laughed, thought of daniel and started to imagine her new life.

i want to know

i dream of meeting people who will say what they want to say. i dream for a time where there are no unwanted consequences to words spoken. at least for words that are meant.

phone!

i wish i could call her and say "hey, wanna have sex?"

list time

i am sleepy. but i want to write something, even if it is lame. so the other day a lady said i was a passionate person. i didn't think much of it, but lately i've been thinking "dude, you fall in love with every woman you meet! if that's not passionate i don't know what is"

so with that in mind i've decided to make a list of all the women i've been in love with:
-the girl that used to beat me up. those golden curls were to die for...or at least bleed.
-the perfect girl. the ideal one. the one i compare all others to. the one i will never find or get because everytime i meet someone like her i freeze and become a bumbling idiot.
-the roleplaying girl. the one that taught me to kiss under stairs benath buildings
-the older girl. the one who one day killed me out of embarrassment because i laughed so hard at a joke snot came out of my nose.
-the pretty one. the one i simply admired for her perfect composure. my lady d.
-the wild one. the slutty one. the one that flirted with my....heart. she had that smile, that devilish smile.
-the fun girl. that girl that you don't realize you're in love with her until it hits you like a ton of bricks. the girl that plays with you. that jokes with you. that girl.
-the serious girl. the one i thought would be cool to hang out with. the one that believes that grown ups are meant to be "frowny" all the time. the one who thinks she thinks.
-the cool one. that girl with those eyes that kill with love, that flirt with heaven and hell, that can make me do anything she wants by simple suggesting it. the girl that i've loved forever. my princess.
-the unkown. that girl whose image i have. yes, she too lives in my heart.
-the known. that girl who seems perfect. the girl that i would give anything to know more of. the girl that's far away..but not too far.

and there you have it. my list of the women that i've fallen in love with. i tell you, if any of this girls were to ever ask me out, i'd go out with them in an instant. no question about it. and now i must sleep.

to be a rock and not to roll

unmoving. sigh. man, the world seems to be moving slowly in the direction i want. it seems that things that are moving and coming up are the ones i don't want. at the start of this semester i was very happy. i was taking my music classes and i felt like i had not felt in ages. then i had to work. i felt tired, but i still felt happy going to school. now i am need of a more strict job and i will have to stop taking some classes including song writing and jazz guitar. this has saddened me greatly. more than i expected. i gotta get my stuff together. i will defeat this. i will pay my bills and be a free man. i will enroll in college like a 17 year old and start from scratch. i need to do what i need to do. whether it is immature or not i must do it. i must strive for it. that's what makes me happy.

today i went to get some wide rice noodles. ooh how good they were. i went with a friend, of the female kind. towards the end of the dinner her pseudo-boyfriend calls and while talking with her implies that the fact that i've taken her to dinner means i want to fuck her. yea, those words and everything. even though she's been my friend way before she ever met him, and i never tried to "fuck" her he said that. and not only that, because the dinner was expensive and i was paying for it, then more his reason for it. like my friend is some kind of prostitute. but i've seen it on tv too. the "oh he paid for dinner and it wa expensive so the least i could do was give him a bj" thing. i don't like it. i think that teaches that women are for sale? or at least some derivative of that. i don't like it. it makes me then uncomfortable. i like having friends, i like inviting my friends to eat. if i invite then most likely i will intend to pay. if you invite me, i assume you have the intentions of paying. that's what i am accustomed to. so anyway....yea.
what else? hands are an important sex appeal for me. i think that is interesting.

do you believe in magic?

lately i've had to talk a lot about love and relationships and what they mean and how they affect and effect us. well a broken hearted friend asked me today "do you think there can be REAL love? love that truly lasts between two people?" and i thought about it (my usual 2-second thought) and i answered like a 2 year old "of course!" then he asked me "oh yea? well do you know of anyone whose love has lasted for so long? a love that truly traveled the many roads of life?" (obviously he didn't say those exact words, i'm paraphrasing here) and i couldn't truly tell him of such example. and yet i believe. is naive to think that such mutual "attachment" is possible? is love just an "attachment"?
like the title of my post, i believe in magic. i believe in princesses and beauty beyond beauty. i believe in the fairy stories i tell my brothers and sisters, the ones i told my ex, and the ones i was told when i was a kid. i love to live dreaming of tales and adventures everywhere i go. i love making driving a game, i love waiting in line a challenge to come up with the strangest conversation, i love laughing about cheap jokes. i think it could be hard to find someone with whom i'd be as comfortable as i've been in the past but when i do i'll truly love that person. i will not hold back. i apparently did not learn from my past mistakes, hehe.
anyway...do you believe in magic? or do you think i am foolish?