fighting the negativity

-

 morning: barely any time to do anything. ran out the door as fast possible made it just in time to see the train pull away. great times.

made it to work, saw all familiar faces. got the animal, easy peasy lemon squeezy for a super pig genius as myself (or so i claimed). got the dude ready and headed out for coffee. the classic 'bucks vs 'bou but i wanted a frap. mistake number one of the day on the attempts to eat less calories. lol. 

 

afternoon:

lunch with k. it was actually quite fun. she's got a sort of rough and tumble happy-go-lucky attitude that is a bit refreshing. also, it's always fun to have someone who wants to be adventurous about food and enjoy the process even if the food is not their cup of tea...my style. 

work was a mixed bag. the boss decided to shit on my afternoon, the following month, and then the following 1.5 years. all in the span of 10 minutes. but maybe i can turn the shit into manure. even with his help. i just need to voice my needs. my needs indeed. it's just that confrontation is not the game i like to play. blah. i also planned to work on my second job afterwards but e offered me a ride home and i wanted a little a more friend time so i took her offer. i was also physically and mentally tired. we had a nice talk about the work manure. we are both trying to have our seeds grow but the manure keeps piling on. we both need to put it to good use and utilize the boss properly (and stop him from piling up more useless work). I am determined to fight the negativity. i need to win against it to be a better person on the other side of this job. 


evening:

again made arepas. this time with an omelette. damn if it wasn't delicious. watched the bachelor. it's freaking ridiculous but it's something i can put on while i play my video game. i also opened the hinge app. someone had liked my picture. they seemed ok. it's just...no one compares haha. it's specially hard online with only a couple of words in a small profile. i am also thinking that this year i'll be crazy busy to date anyone anyway. 


Thoughts: i wish i could read people's minds and see what people thought of me. i vacillate between thinking that i'm liked to being hated multiple times a day. ever since i turned 10 i think i've had these feelings. i remember hanging out with my cousins and her friends. i thought i was funny and well liked until that kid threw that saltine with grape marmalade right into my eye. i'll never forget it. the burning sensation in my eye was not as painful as realizing that not everyone was fan. i felt so betrayed. i thought he and i were becoming friends and everything. so who knows, maybe one of these days i'll get another saltine in the eye from a lab mate. i hope not. what would be worse than a saltine in the eye?

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

warm day

-
Image
 song of the moment:  these days i've been feeling that pain in your heart of being in love, or being heart broken, or starting something monumental in your life. the problem is that i don't know why. it strikes the hardest when i look at the newly growing leaves.  i feel like i'm floating through, engrossed in impassioned desire, the days and nothing can anchor me. the sun, the rain, the clouds, the sunset, daydreams of kisses and hugs and embraces, all these things speeding my heart and creating a pain of a black hole in my chest. with the elation of love being felt there's the dread that accompanies it. a solitude that is felt the strongest when i'm sitting and the shadows of the night creep up. i've been on three dates now and they all have been lacking. and not because the people are not interesting or nice, but there's just no...chemistry. maybe that's what has me so distraught. i want to feel in love but i can't fulfill it. i think i may give
Read more

a need to sober up my mind

-
 25000 steps today.  Morning: woke up and pretty much had to meet a r for fancy coffee. I felt a little weird because she had to pick me up to get to the place. i don't like that because i feel like it makes people less inclined to hang out with me if they think they have to pick me up. i offered to meet her there but she refused. the ride itself was fun. i acted as the navigator using her phone while she listened to evermore songs. the coffee shop was pretty much what you'd expect. it was small with little wooden tables along the wall and a chalk board behind the counter. they also had some pastries and i couldn't help but to buy one. we got some fancy coffee with 'tajin' in it.  unknown time: We went to a new park. we walked in the snow and talked. a little bit of everything. i told her about her super leggings. gosh how embarrassing haha. i brought up cy. i guess she's been on my mind lately. i don't know why. i even dreamed with her last night. in my dre
Read more

Spicy Swiss train

-
 Rolling verdant hills adorn the brilliance of you eyes but my mind today wonders to your mouth and those crimson lips in your pale face.  A passionate kiss, a lustful embrace.  My hands move down from your neck onto your shoulders  And as I lovingly move down i hold on to the tiny straps of your old tank top.  The mountains become smoky with early morning fog and we kiss in that empty train cabin.  Your breasts exposed and at attention. Like beautiful pink soldiers waiting to be kissed and teased and adored.  The train speeds and so do we. The clicking noise disappears and your moans are the only music in my ears.  My hands hold on to your waist but a powerful gravitational force pulls them down; soon your traveling comfy pants are comfortably by your ankles.  A long bridge ahead of us and an emerald river below us remind me of your eyes   But I can only see that beautiful mound of pleasure between your legs.   I kiss you and your music gets louder and faster. I feel like we are one.
Read more