a ripped sleeve

 morning:

woke up feeling rather despondent. thought about making coffee but i was so bleh i ended up just eating left overs. watched snl. it wasn't bad, i mostly watched it while covered in fluffy blankets and having micro naps in commercials. then c and j invited me to accompany them to walk their dog. i accepted since i spent all of saturday inside. 

afternoon:

met up with c and j at a nearby park. they had their cute dog with them. their dog is ml. she's a cute puppy rescue that sometimes has way too much energy. we walked on the park which was full of slush. i wish i had better boots for that hike. throughout the whole walk i could feel the cold water slowly seep into my socks, like the feeling of dread that comes from work on a sunday evening. we mostly talked about our lives since we last saw each other. j is still struggling with getting a good schedule at work (working with cells and all that bs can be quite annoying if you don't really plan out your experiments). c is doing well. she is actually being pretty successful at scoring dates from her latest dating app. they haven't really lead to anything serious yet, but it is nice to see people that like you and are at least interested in you. she had one dude that she was interested in but he turned out to be kinda flaky and still reeling from a previous relationship. the new dates she's had were ok but no romantic sparks. i didn't have much updates for them, just work and work. 

at some point during our walk, ml started acting up. she started pulling on her leash, then running between us, then sort of jumping up at us. in one of those bursts, she bit me twice. one in the leg, which hurt a lot because it got me right in the space between my quad muscles, and another bite in my arm where she ripped open my coat. this makes me sad. the coat i got from ny, sister to cy. she gave it to me as a gift to her supposed future bro in law. every time i wear the coat i think about how ny was so nice. she is still very nice. i miss her. i miss hanging out with the gang i suppose. we were a cool group. then cy and i had to ruin it. anyway, i'm sad about my coat. the only solution seems to patch it up but that would look kinda ridiculous on the fabric so i don't know. maybe i'll try to super glue it tomorrow.

 

evening/night:

grocery shopping. i was supposed to make a list of the things i needed but i got distracted. i only realized i forgot to make a list once i was already at the market. so i bought everything i shouldn't have, including a whole strawberry and rhubarb pie. food loves me back right? 

played video games while i had Frasier on the telly. sometimes i relate to that show in the most painful of ways. 

thoughts:

when i hike, i enjoy it more because of the environment than the mere act of walking and exercising and "doing something". i realize that i usually tend to get lost looking at the snow on trees, or entranced by the slowly moving water in a creek. this makes me a slow hiker. maybe i'm not a hiker at all. i just want to view awesome places and let them transform me. i think some people appreciate that while it irritates others. but i mean, what is the purpose of your hike? similarly what is the purpose of life? i was asking myself that while on the way back. if i stay here in this city away from family, with so few friends, what am i even doing with my life? or more practical what is anyone person suppose to do with their life? what is a meaningful life? is it just to work and generate wealth for the powers that be? should i seek some life fulfillment? but how? what? argh. i feel like nothing is worth so much trouble.