reversing the goodwill

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 no breakdown of today. nothing much was done. i wanted a long walk to mimic yesterday's but i just stayed in all day. i wanted to get groceries but i ordered food. i didn't take advantage of the warm day at all. yesterday i was doing so well. i felt energetic, healthy and fine. today i just feel meh. maybe tomorrow will be better.

thoughts:

watched an old movie. it's a terrible movie. the writing, directing, pacing, editing. nothing good. made me think about changing careers. maybe i could work in hollywood. i could write something for lifetime. or for like those free channels that show up on samsung tv. it's a paid gig. and being a self tortured "artist" is allowed. things that i need to work on: being happy with being alone. i spent the whole day today in my apartment in my own head. in a chat with e she said that i'm not willing to accept that others appreciate me enough because i see them as just friends. that basically because they are not willing to sleep with me i'm not seeing that they actually like me. i guess she kinda has a point. maybe not to the extreme of sex but i think i've warped the closeness of friends? do i not know what friends are supposed to be? aaaaah! 

overthinking saturday.

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