day of recovery

i'm half asleep right now but i want to force myself to write before sleep as much as possible.

morning:

woke up with the urgency of having work finished before a work meeting. i did make coffee however. i also woke up thinking about her. what i wouldn't give to wake up next to her, to give her a soft kiss while we cuddle ourselves to a deeper sleep. i dreamed of holding her hand and warming her body, making her feel safe and loved. the joy of that daydreamed collided with the sun rays filtering through the cheap blinds in my window. it took me a while to realize it was later than i thought and startled i jumped out of bed. i made coffee immediately and got to work. 

the meeting went well. i actually surprised myself by finishing all my work beforehand. i also given new task but with deadlines that are a little more feasible.

 Afternoon: 

post meeting i felt defeated. the week had taken the last drop out of me. i watched tv while recovering me sanity. sometime during my haze w called me about our work date. argh! i had forgotten i had asked to work together. thankfully it wasn't as bad as i thought. i actually managed to get some work done before w had to go. feeling productive i went grocery shopping. 

evening: 

seeking a little bit of companionship i asked e if i could return her soil bag. it was nice. we talked for a bit about work and other stuff. i played with her dog too. i sometimes feel i'm being too silly/immature with the way i play with her dog but i just can't help it. d brings it out of me. anyway i had fun even if it was for about 5 minutes. 

i left for the grocery store and saw a half broken snowman and still reeling from the happiness of my time with e and d i decided to fix it. the snow in the park was a new snow to me. the best way i could describe it is "crackly". it was soft in my eyes but upon closer inspection it was solid, crystallized even. I had to kick the mid-section to even break it off from the ground. it had solidified into it. i got on my knees to work on the snowman and i felt happy still. the sun was setting as i played in the snow and i still had to get my groceries so i went in.

Ended up getting 4 different types of cheeses. this time it was because the pretty cashier asked me i had tried the local cheddar. i couldn't say no. i say cute but really the only thing i've seen is her pretty hair, her deep brown eyes, and her half rosey cheeks. i imagine she must have a very cute mouth. she also has the perfect body with very nice curves and a seductive way of walking that kinda kills me every time she's not behind the counter.

night:

same old same old. can't sleep. keep thinking about love and all that. how does one fall in love? what's real love feel like? can someone fall in love with just someone's butt, or is it other things but "dat butt" is just so amazing that it eclipses the mind's eye? how does one get rid of an infatuation? i hate just fixating on how beautiful she is. she's kind, smart, and a little lost at times but then again who isn't. at the same time being lost has her exploring and growing and that's always amazing. but then again, i don't exist for her anymore. i need to forget her. although in cold ass nights like tonight, i could use the warmth.