half day friday

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 morning:

At last! got more than 7 hours of sleep. it's as good as advertised. i still woke up feeling emotionally conflicted but it's ok. i still have more sleep to catch up on and sort myself out. got ready for work. i thought about staying in longer and making coffee and maybe even watching a bit of tv but i wanted just a little bit of social interaction before the weekend and i knew that r and e would be in lab so i headed in. turns out that as i arrived at work e was on her way out and r had not even gone to work in. 

i did some of the perfucntury stuff i had to do, help m sort out the fixed heart, help the coordinator with some packages, help IT dude with some rearranging of furniture. Then r invited me to our walk and talk! i had asked her to hang out with me and she said sure but i was thinking it was more likely a saturday type of thing. nevertheless i hurried to finish my work and before i knew it i was done and ready to have a cool walk and talk about life and nonsense for a bit. 

 Another thing from the morning was a virtual tour of our lab! we presented a lab video and then had some q&a from a group of middle schoolers. it was fun. it was m, a, and myself on the call. i liked answering questions. i liked interacting with children, they are fun and they have so much potential in life! make a better world! i wish i could yell that to them. 

 afternoon:

r came by and picked me up. we went to one of my favorite coffee places in the city. i bought us the coffee and this crazy ass muffins with a whole egg inside. coffee was actually pretty freaking tasty. and the muffin was....large and strange and edible. i don't know if i really liked it as culinary delicacy, but i appreciated the uniqueness of it. We then went to a nearby lake and walked around. 

we walked for over 5 miles.

and we talked. mostly about the same things we usually do. a little bit of life, a little bit of my lack of love life, a little bit of e, a little bit of work, rinse and repeat. but i mean, that's all my life right now so it's all i got to talk about for now. i hope it wasn't boring to her. hanging out was actually super nice. those moments are the ones that feel real you know? 

we discovered a new street around the lake. weird house avenue. i also went into the frozen lake. well technically i only went in for about 20 feet , but it's still on frozen water! i was feeling pretty happy and energized and i took some pictures. i even tried my patented cartwheel. wasn't perfect but i was going for comedy and it worked. i also took some pictures of r. goodness she is so pretty some times. i think winter highlights some of the pinks in her face very well and she looks like a painting come to real life. sometimes i wish i had a better camera with me.



 

evening:

after coming back home not much was done. watched tv, ordered food (mexican) and played a little guitar. 


thoughts:

confession time: i broke down and called cy. the phone rang and rang until it went to voice mail. i hadn't heard her voice in a long time. i hung up. i felt weird. in a way i'm glad she didn't pick up. what would i say? sometimes i think i can't move on because i never had closure. is that a real thing? nowadays i really miss companionship but i also want passion. i want to love. i want to be loved back. i want to also be treated like a 10 (even though i'd totally be the 6 in that relationship, you know which one). i want someone to be excited to be with me. would anyone? or am i that ugly that only the weird cy would find me attractive? she WAS weird.


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