nice sunday

 not much today. woke up, listened to music. tried to make breakfast but realized i have no groceries. stuck to the bed and my pajamas for way too long. finally, one of the people i've been talking to in hinge proposed maybe a meeting in the early afternoon. i read it too late and so when i said yes i didn't expect her to respond. she ultimately didn't but i still got ready and left my apartment just in case. it was also an excuse to get out and enjoy the last bit of warmth of the weekend before it faded away. 

once outside i walked around the park and did some pretty enjoyable people watching. then i texted r and joined her and j in their grocery run. i hope i didn't intrude too much. maybe i need to back off a little haha, this is the second weekend i've seen them socially and they may tire of me, e style. so i gotta be more careful. it was fun nonetheless though! it's always easy to talk to them and whatever the topic we usually can have fun. i really should try to invite them once we're all vaccinated to a meal at my house and share a bottle of wine and fun stories. 

the way back was brutal however. the wind suddenly picked up and the whole way it was against me. i had to stop to apply chapstick because i felt my lips drying out. i felt my knuckles drying our for goodness' sake! it was a cold and harsh bike ride home. but at least i felt i was consuming calories so that's good. 

once home i watched tv and attempted to continue to work on my crocheting project. it is harder than i thought. initially i believed it was going to be the hand to eye coordination and fine motor skills that would  prove the hardest part for me, but it wasn't. after several failure attempts, the practice of the first set of stitches was becoming more and more natural. the problems started to arise when the pattern required careful counting. it is difficult for several reasons. on one hand it's hard because the yarn i have is very light colored yellow and small, so it's hard to see and count the stitches that i have already made, or to see how many are missing. that makes it hard to keep oneself accountable. one the other hand, while it's not too terribly difficult, doing the different patterns and knowing when to move from one stitch to another while keeping track of the number of stitches vs the number of sets can be quite tasking. the video did suggest keeping a paper trail but i thought i could do it easily. the type of breakdown of patterns is something i used to do in music often and it was an easy thing to memorize. i guess it was easier because the actual playing was embedded in muscle memory and i didn't have to juggle active brain RAM like i have to do for crocheting. maybe as i practice more and more. anyway, i worked for about 30 minutes on a set when almost at the end i wanted to check my count and make sure i hadn't deviated from the pattern. well, i realized i forgot to put the "1st" stitch pin and thus lost the ability to do any counting. i didn't know how many i did, or how many were left to do. argh! so i had sto undo and pull on the yarn. and i kept pulling. and pulling. and it all looked the same. so then i had to just go back to square one. i felt defeated. i left it alone and decided i would start again another day.  and so it took me about an hour again to pick it up and try again. this time, i quickly recovered to the same place where i was before i forgot to put the safety pin. and so i put the pin and then i ready to sleep. it felt pretty good to recover it. it also took me about 20 minutes what took me about an hour before. so i'm improving i think. maybe tomorrow i'll make more head way. 

thoughts:

this was a good sunday for all kinds of health. i feel at peace. sure i may be neglecting work but at least for now i needed the rest. hopefully this rest will reflect on good progress and a big push for work of this week. let's do it! ( i know i won't but it doesn't hurt to dream ).

feels weird to be talking to people on dating apps and making "dates". i don't think i'm ready but at this rate when will i? i'm hoping i can see this as possible cuddle friends? like that's my goal right now. just someone to hug and be hugged by. it's simple but i'm missing that physical love a lot these days. i mean, it's been.....i don't even know when was the last time i held someone's hand. i used to love that. sometimes i open the window when it's really cold and it forces me to sort of hug myself for warmth. i let it get so cold my arms feel like someone else's and for a brief moment, i feel like maybe someone likes me. it's nice.

 

it taunts me